


Private Evaluation (Levi x reader x Jean)

by LilNinja



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Crack, Cute, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Fluff to the max, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Jean - Freeform, JeanxReader, Lemon, Levi - Freeform, Levi x Reader - Freeform, Long, My First Fanfic, Reader Insert, Rivaille - Freeform, Weirdness, Why Did I Write This?, aot - Freeform, attack on titan - Freeform, i can't write, jean x reader, levixreader - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, snk, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:30:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilNinja/pseuds/LilNinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're just barely making it through basic training. How far will you go to make it into the Survey Corps?</p><p>[I'm not good with summaries, this is my first fic]</p><p>PS: this is EVENTUAL Jean x Reader. Just wait for things to get complicated cx<br/>I will try to update every weekend c:<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Should You Stay?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'd just like to say this is my first fic and thank you for reading :3  
> It is the product of staying up late Summer nights with far too much sugar and tv, but I'm dumping my nasty thoughts here for your reading pleasure cx  
> Feel free to laugh or cringe like I did when I wrote this...interesting fan erotica c:  
> (jean x reader is EVENTUAL, I promise)
> 
> {caution} may be viewed as Non-consent
> 
> PS:This will be long. Multiple days and chapters of fluff, smut and angst that I hope you'll enjoy.
> 
> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin :S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thing leads to another...

"Hey!" You called desperately, trying catch up with your best friends, Sasha and Connie. You knew if you didn't speed up you would never catch up to them: Sasha, with her never ending appetite, and Connie, who was head over heels with said Sasha. Even being in the 104th trainee corps, you never were that athletic or physically strong. You usually hung back with Armin in any sort of physical training, being that you two were the weakest and more of the intelligent types. In short, you gave up chasing the two when your breaths became ragged and uncomfortable.

"Walls...I’ll never be a good soldier in the shape I’m in..." You sighed, almost inaudible.

"CADET."

You stiffened at the sound of an irritated authoritative voice, then gave a panicked salute when you saw who gave it.

"C-corporal I-"

"Tch. Shut up. I heard you saying you thought you weren't in shape."

Even though he was much shorter than you, his emotionless grey eyes made it as though he were towering over you. Your panting chest tightened in fear.

"W-well I don’t really have the best endurance, sir..."

 _Why the hell did I just say that!_ You think, mentally hitting yourself.

"Do I need to give you extra training?" He said, a hint of amusement lingering in his normally monotone voice.

He was enjoying this. You were panicking. You usually laid low and hoped you wouldn’t be sent home for your lack of physical strength and everything else that was required to become a soldier. You couldn’t go home...You just couldn’t. You-

"CADET. I asked you a question."

Shit. In your panicked state you found it hard to pay attention and forgot to answer his question. You looked further down to escape his gaze, and noticed the shaking in your hands was quite visible. How pathetic. He was growing impatient as you fumbled for words.

"N-no sir..." You blushed, and hated yourself for it. _Why am I blushing? Why am I stammering like an idiot?_

"Tch."

You could have sworn his lips curved into a slight smirk. But its common knowledge Corporal Levi does not smile. It must have been your imagination.

"I shall decide that. Meet me in my office after dinner, and I will give you a personal physical evaluation. Prove to me you have what it takes to be here."

You felt dizzy. How could this happen...you needed to be here! Tears threatened to pour out of your eyes and your lips trembled slightly. But you refused to cry in front of a superior, or anyone else for that matter. You had too much pride for that.  
Your eyes averted to just lower and right of his face, and you barely whimpered a "yes sir" before he turned on his heel and stalked away.

~~~~~

You had lost your appetite. As soon as he was out of sight, you bolted to the small wooded area and crashed to your hands and knees. The dirt now coating your hands turned to mud as salty tears fell.

"No!" You choked out, squeezing your eyes shut.

You hugged your knees to your chest and sobbed into yourself. The thought of going back made you shudder. You wished this was a dream, you’d wake up any second now and everything would be okay.

When Wall Maria was destroyed and invaded on that fateful day, so was your former life. Your mom was killed by a particularly horrifying titan. With a huge smile on his face, he lifted her out of the kitchen window and bit down on your screaming mother with a sickening crunch. Her blood splattered almost surreally across your former home. Your older brother, your hero, died trying to save her. He was the small part of the Garrison that didn't drink their problems away and actually fought that day. He was doing great until that titan grabbed him by the 3DMG’s cable and snapped him into the ground, crushing his body unnaturally against the cobble stones. You were 9. Your father was not in the picture for many years prior.

Although you were not one of the lucky ones to get on a boat, you were desperate to survive. You used your tiny body to your advantage as you climbed under the mob of panicking people of Shiganshina and jumped over the rails into the river. The impact was agonizing, and at the time you couldn't swim too well, but you made your way to the safety promised inside Wall Rose. You enlisted in the military when Armin, Eren and Mikasa did, eager to get out of the slums but desperate to stay with the only people you knew and could trust. You even lied on official documentation saying you were a year older so you could join with them.  
One time you came crying to your childhood friend Eren Jaeger during one of your first days as a trainee after a nightmare concerning that day. He almost hit you when you described the looks of that titan. You decided not to talk about it to anyone after that. You decided then to pretend you were fine, and put on a brave face, to be a soldier.  
You had nothing to go back to if Levi sent you back. You had no home, no friends or allies. All you had left was the burning instinct to kill the ones who killed your family. Your life hadn't been perfect, but now you had nothing.

By the time you looked up from your damp knees, the sun was setting. Shit. Dinner must have already ended. You bolted upright while haphazardly wiping your nose on your sleeve as you hurried toward the corporal's office. You were never going to make it.

The pain burning your lungs was already starting to set in...and you... you panicked and sprinted harder than you should have to his door. You weren't thinking about how increasing your already fast pace was going to make you lose even more oxygen. You weren't thinking about how he would most definitely be able to hear your pitiful wheezing through the door. You could only imagine the goal in front of you: his wooden office door.

Suddenly your face was in the dirt, your head was spinning. Gravity had betrayed you. You were just a few feet from his door, but you were still close enough for him to hear your body hit the ground. Even over your heavy breathing, you could hear the disappointed sigh just past that door. You closed your eyes, forehead to the ground, attempting to catch your breath that didn’t seem to want to come back.

You didn’t even hear the door open, but you definitely felt the strong hand that roughly yanked you up from the ground. His grip felt like iron, and you winced in pain, but couldn’t manage to say anything. The sudden change of position invited black dots to pop up around the edges of your vision, until it seemed to cover it entirely.  
Corporal Levi spat some sort of curse, but you were too far away to remember.

_It’s all over now…_

~~~

"Nnnhhh...." You were so tired...your eyelids were far too heavy for you to open.

Someone was snapping and yelling, but it couldn't have been directed at you. It sounded so distant.

Your senses rushed back into you like a flood, slamming you back to consciousness and snapping your eyes open. Bright light above your face. Something hard under your back.

A very angry, shouting corporal leaning over you and snapping in your face.

You scrambled back a few inches, sending a few pens clattering to the wooden floors. You made a noise so high pitched, you’re sure only dolphins could hear.

 _I think the corporal gets off on the fear in his cadets_ , you thought as his face softened ever so slightly, almost as if he hadn't. If you weren't so close to his face, you would never have been able to tell the difference. The corporal was very weird in that respect…you could never tell what he was thinking, he always looked pissed though.

Judging by the fact you were sitting on a large, mahogany desk in a disturbingly orderly and sterile office, you assumed the captain had carried you from where you had blacked out. He muttered something about the messiness of teenagers as he picked up the pens off the ground, before turning his attention back to you.

_Fuck. I’m going home for sure..._

Tears stung your eyes, but you refused to let them fall in front of this asshole. You defiantly looked up to meet your superior's gaze. Although it had softened a bit, it was still terrifying, but you held your ground, daring him to say something.

You were surprised by what you heard:  
"Are...you okay?"

Was that concern you heard in Captain Monotone (as dubbed by Sasha)’s voice?

"Cadet." He growled impatiently, certainly expecting an answer.

"Yes sir?" You didn’t mean to make it sound like a question, but you were very confused. Why did he give a shit what was going on with me? He was just going to send me off on the next cart of rejects anyway.

You mentally patted myself on the back for making it this far.

"Get up."

You really did your best to comply, but your legs didn't want to cooperate and buckled under you. You fell slightly forward, right onto the short corporal. He caught you, but you wish he hadn't. The floor was much more inviting than his iron grip on your sides.

"It is against code to lie to your superiors'' he growled into your ear, making you shiver.

"You must NEVER lie to me if you want to remain here. Understood?"

"Yes sir..." You mumbled weakly, defeat sinking into your core. Lying was the only way you had survived so far. From your age to your abilities, everything in the records was a lie.

What were you without those lies?

He hoisted you up over one shoulder like a sack of potatoes, holding one arm over your back and the other supporting your ass. His hand hit you like a spank, and sent a tingle between your legs. Your face burned in embarrassment.

"C-corporal?!" You stammered, startled.

"Call me Levi. That’s an order."

"Yes si-"

"Quit it with the fucking formalities."

You couldn't imagine calling the Corporal by his first name, it was like calling a teacher by their first name and it weirded you out.

You couldn't see where he was walking, but you heard a door squeak open, and suddenly you were slammed on a crisp white comforter, knocking the already low supply of breath out of you. You heard a chair squeak right beside you, as if someone sat in it. A few minutes later, when you regained some strength, you sat up a little and propped yourself up on your elbows. You glared at him, about to ask what the hell he was doing.

"Le-"

"What’s your story?" He calmly interrupted.

His question catches you off guard. Why would he care? You’re just a cadet. But as a superior, he was entitled to know. So you spilled. Every last detail poured from your mouth. It was like he broke a dam but only asked for a drop. You felt warm wetness pour down your cheeks and you tasted salt, but you continued until you were sobbing about today and how he just couldn't send you home now, when the date when you choose to be in the Survey Corps was just a few weeks from now. Tomorrow was the Disbanding Ceremony. You were so close, and would do anything to prevent him from taking that away from you.

"Tch."

That was it? Why had he wanted to know? You would ask...but was it your place at this point? You were in what you assumed was his bed from his unnecessary kindness. You truly were at whatever mercy he was willing to throw your way.

Although, something you've noticed over this past hour or so troubled you: the sadistic smile that usually played across his lips when you were nervous or scared of him was unexpectedly wiped off his face whenever something pained you. Did humanity’s strongest soldier have a soft spot for you? You pushed the ridiculous thought out of your mind as quickly as it had entered. Either way you were grateful you didn't have to deal with that smirk right now. You just spilled your life story to basically a stranger; the last thing you wanted was to feel stupider than you already felt.

You looked down, suddenly more embarrassed than you already were. You couldn't believe where this night had led you: from chasing the ever-hungry Sasha to bawling in the corporal’s bed. Your face further reddened when I thought of how pathetic this all was. You flinched when you felt two hands clasp around your left. You looked up and saw Levi rest his head on your hands, gaze cast downward. What the fuck? He looked miserable.

It was almost inaudible, but you could have sworn you heard a "sorry".

You were stunned.

_Is this a dream? Did I break humanity’s strongest soldier?!This is a fucking dream._

You internally panicked a bit before you mustered up enough confidence to ask the question that had been on your mind this entire time.

"Why do you care?"

You winced, almost expecting to be hit because of your rude tone, but no pain came. He just kept his gaze fixed in your hands, this time being the one to avoid your glare. It almost scared you seeing him like this. But even with him slumped over and head down, he felt....strong. It sent shivers down your spine, but that was exactly what you should expect of the corporal: strength. He sighed with impatience and looked up slowly, still gently gripping your hand in his. His steely grey eyes were locked on yours, his words cold as ice.

"Do not tell anyone this, cadet, or I will END you. Going back to Wall Rose will be the last of your worries." His dark grey eyes bore into yours.  
"That’s an order."

"Yes sir.” You replied out of instinct and fear.

He smirked at your innocent obedience, but quickly recovered to his normal blank stare to explain himself.

"I care, cadet. I care a great fucking deal about all of you brats. I care even more for the soldiers who have a reason to be here. So many of you kids come for the glory, or the chance at the clean and pampered life of the Military Guard. Too few of you come with the will to fight. Even fewer who have seen the titans and...What they do. What they destroy. Even fewer are as…” He cleared his throat before continuing. “…smart, kind, and pretty as you. Do not repeat this to anyone."

You were speechless. Speechless when he said something so sweet to you, the only sweet thing you've heard in years, even so roughly. Speechless when he helped you sit up to look at him (or down at him). Breathless when he pulled you in for a kiss, pressing his lips firmly against yours.

The kiss both scared and intrigued you. The corporal seemed to be much more than he let on to be...especially as Eren described him, which was mostly as "sadistic". You realized your eyes were still open when he pulled away. Wide open.

"Tch..."

He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms and glaring into your [e/c] eyes, daring you to do something. You pulled away, sat back on his bed and stared at your knees, a fierce blush flaring up on your cheeks.

You needed to clear your head; as much as you didn't want to admit it, the spinning feeling wasn't all from the running incident. You’re not exactly sure how you felt about it but…you liked it. At least for the attention, if nothing else. You’re only other crushes in the 104th trainee corps seemed so totally consumed by someone or something else. Jean with Mikasa and her silky black hair (your [h/c] locks couldn't seem to compare) and Eren, with his insatiable hunger to kill the titans. There was certainly no room for you. Even in your small circle of friends, you always were a third wheel.

You gave a weak smile and looked at him, not sure what to say or feel. You never gave thought to a relationship between a cadet and her superior.

"Do you want to proceed, cadet?"

You were taken aback by such a bold question, and your lips started forming a "no" out of shear embarrassment. But then you remembered Levi's order from before. You were not allowed to lie.

"Yes si- please" You whispered, trying in vain to hide your painfully obvious blush.

He smiled mischievously and pulled you closer by the shoulders, but made you go the rest of the way as he waited. You locked your lips with his and closed your eyes. He slipped a tongue between your lips and you froze in terror for an instant, it hitting you like a brick wall how inexperienced you were.

Your first kiss was when Armin tackled you on the playground in _kindergarten_ (he used to be quite bold back then, but bullies change you).

Your second kiss was Levi, just a few moments ago.

You kept going to your best effort, but as usual it was a pathetic failure; your tongue just couldn't figure out what to do. You felt him smirk against your lips before he pulled out, his face now expressionless.

"Tch. It seems you do need extra training after all."

Your face burned with shame as you looked down.

_I seriously can't do anything right..._

You felt his hand lift my chin up so you were forced to meet his eyes, which were much more welcoming than before. Your cheeks must have been scarlet at this point, you were so embarrassed.

"Just breathe." He whispered before leaning in again.

You began to question his motives before his lips silenced your thoughts. You let him guide you until you got the hang of it, and you loved it. Soon your hands were tangled up in his black hair with your arms hung loosely around his neck.

For some reason you decided to stand, forcing him to stand as well. You wish you hadn't, because your levels shifted dramatically, from him towering over you to quite the opposite.

You felt awful when you couldn't stifle yourself and a giggle bubbled its way to the surface. He pulled back instantaneously, a look of rage on his features but a clear show of his embarrassment shown by the sudden shock of red on his pale cheeks. You realized you hit a sore spot.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" He growled.

You stayed quiet for a moment, trying to think of an excuse that would spare his pride.

"Err..." You couldn't seem to meet his eyes; even though it was a huge part of your life, you were never a good liar.

"I was laughing at how bad I am a-" He had you pinned against a wall before you could finish your sentence.

"Lies" he snarled.

"I’ll give you one last chance to tell me the truth before I send you home. I lo- ...care a lot for you but I will NOT tolerate lying."

"Yes sir..." You whimpered before admitting the truth, unwilling to be sent home under any circumstance.

He must know what you were laughing at...he just wants you to say it. His face was too close to yours to give you the privilege of looking away. You continued, just above a whisper.

"I was- I laughed because...you’re a lot...shorter than me..." The sentence trailed off into nothingness as you tried to make the last part as quiet as possible.

You were scared out of your wits now. What was he going to do next? You were surely going to receive a punishment for your actions. Stable duty? Laps? Oh walls, not laps, he knows you can’t survive those.

Instead, his lips curved into a mischievous smirk, which terrified you almost enough to make you get on your knees and beg for laps.

He leaned in and whispered into your ear, "You'll have to pay for that."

Your heart stopped. He didn't seem angry, in fact it almost sounded like he was smiling.

"H-heichou?" You stuttered, visibly shaking, horrified of what he was going to do next.

The next thing you knew he was roughly throwing you onto soft sheets. Before you could protest, he gripped both your wrists and held them above your head in one swift motion. Your heart was pounding so hard against your chest you thought you would explode. Your body was paralyzed in mostly fear and an iota of excitement. You released the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding when the entire situation started to compute within your clouded brain.

"Stop" You choked, fat tears rolling down your face, but you didn't struggle. "Please..."

His face was hovering just above yours. He had the nerve to smile, but his eyes were covered by the black hair that was hanging in his face, and tickling your cheeks.

"Do you want to leave, or stay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you couldn't tell already, this is my first piece of writing.  
> Please enjoy, and leave kudos if you want me to post the next chapter, smut promised cx


	2. Staying Was Such a Wonderful Choice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hesitantly choose to stay, but wont regret it.

 Did his question have double meaning?  Maybe Eren was right, this did seem a bit sadistic. You weren't sure, but being put in this position, you knew you had no choice but to comply with his request. How far were you going to go to stay in the Survey Corps? You refused to go back to the streets, away from the only people you had become remotely close to. You choked back a sob and nodded; your cheeks aflame with shame and wet with hot tears. You took a deep breath, and put on the same brave face that got you through three years of rough training and deceit. He kept holding your wrists, but loosened his grip slightly as he began to kiss your neck, surprisingly gentle.

 You closed your eyes and tried to enjoy yourself. To your surprise, you soon did. With all that happened today, you must not have been thinking straight, because you really adored what he was doing with his mouth. You sighed in pleasure and let him continue...but then he stopped.

 You opened your eyes and glared in slight annoyance. What did he want now? You already gave up and submitted to him. You had no choice.

"Tell me, cadet. Do you like this?"

Oh my Walls. How could he ask that...? Your face burned and you squirmed a bit under his weight.

"I-"

 "Remember, you will _not_ lie to a superior."

You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat and turned your head all the way to the right, averting your gaze away from him to the sheets.

"Yes" You breathed softly, hoping he could hear you without having to be too loud.

"Speak up, cadet."

He adjusted his position and forced you to face him.

"I really...really like it." You admitted quietly.

Your cheeks must have been permanently stained scarlet, you were so humiliated. Although, it wasn't a lie. To your relief, he shifted his position to make you a bit more comfortable, with both your hands pinned to your sides this time. He smiled a little at you.

"You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, but there’s no need to be. After all this pain you've been through, I want you to feel pleasure."

 _What an...interesting thing to say,_ you thought as your cheeks heated from his words. You smiled weakly and let him continue without protest. You weren't too sure you wanted him to, you always felt too young for this, and it was going so fast…but you were in no place to argue and a growing lust was slowly taking control of your senses, whether you wanted them too or not. And he even seemed like he cared, right? At least you didn't lose it to one of the abusive Garrison guards back in the slums of Wall Rose, which was frighteningly too common for young girls.

He sat back on his calves and straddled you, beginning to undress himself. You sat up and offered to help but he rejected your offer and ordered you to lay back and let him do all the work. Not that you minded. He started with the classic tan Survey Corps jacket and worked his way to the leather harness you all wear, then to his signature cravat. Next he peeled of his nice dress shirt, revealing a lovely six pack. You couldn't say you didn't like what you saw. He caught you staring and your cheeks heated up further. He wordlessly started on you, deft fingers giving you chills through your thin layers of clothing. You hesitantly sat up a little to give him better access to your clothes and body. He slipped your trainee jacket off your slight shoulders, causing you to shiver from the sudden cold.  You were always very sensitive to the cold. Goosebumps rose on your bare arms as he gently pressed his lips to yours and set to work on removing your harness.

His kisses trailed down your neck to just under your collarbone as he started unbuttoning your white top. He nipped and licked at your sensitive skin, and you inadvertently let a moan escape your lips, surprising even you. You felt his lips stretch into a smile against your skin.

Soon, you were left in nothing but your bra, pants and boots. You quivered in the cold. Your nervousness certainly didn't help your uncontrollable shaking either. No one has ever stripped you down to your bra...and you felt incredibly awkward and exposed. If he wasn't pinning you down by your wrists you would have covered yourself... although a small part of you wished the rest of your clothes were off.

 You looked up at him, not sure what to expect to see in his face. To your surprise, he looked quite admiring of your body. Your skin seemed to tingle as he kissed the tops of your [cup size] breasts.

"You’re beautiful." He mumbled into your soft skin. 

Your entire top half seemed to flare up with a blush. No one but your mother has ever told you that before. So much for the cold; you felt like you were on fire.

 You could feel him almost laugh at how easy it took to embarrass you, but continued.  To your relief, you and your shaking seemed to calm down a little when he said those two words. Warm hands let go of yours and you squirmed as they traced your soft curves to your hips and hooked on the waistband of your white pants. He kissed down your flat stomach to just below your belly button, and looked up, as if asking for permission to go even further. You gulped and nodded slightly in reply, fear and excitement swirling in your stomach. He pulled them down roughly to your knees while dragging your ass to the edge of the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows, and you could see he was now kneeling on the floor between your legs. He took off your tall brown boots one by one and then slid off your pants completely. You instinctively shifted your weight to cover your panties, which were incredibly embarrassing. They were plain white cheekinis with a cinch on the ass topped by a little white bow. But that wasn't the embarrassing part.

The white fabric made it more than obvious to see how wet you were. Even more quickly than you moved your hand, he shoved it back by your shoulders. You squeaked as you lost your balance and fell flat on your back. Your clumsiness earned a chuckle from him, but in an instant he became serious again.

"Don’t cover yourself," he warned. "Or there will be consequences."

You gulped. _Goddamn, my captain has a lot of rules._

He let go of your hand so you could support yourself again, and traced his pointer finger across your wet panties. A whimper escaped your soft lips, seeming to please him and cause him to apply more pressure to your clit.

"Nyuhh..." You squirmed a little, but he held you down forcing you to endure every wonderful movement of his fingers.

He traced your clit with his thumb, still over your panties. You moaned when he hit such a sensitive spot. You really wished you could cover your mouth, but you _know_ Levi wouldn't like that idea. He gradually applied more pressure as his thumb moved in circles over your sensitive clit and an undeniable, amazing pressure began to build between your legs. It felt so good.... he was going to push you over the edge. You squirmed a little to his touch, rocking your hips slightly as each wave of pleasure hit you…you were so close...but then he stopped. You realized you were moaning only when he stopped. _Why...?!_

He looked up at you with an eyebrow raised and asked a little smugly "So, how does it feel?"

You would have hit him but:  
  a) he was your superior and even in the circumstances it felt  WAY out of line and b) your mind was so clouded with lust you couldn't concentrate on anything but him making you cum.  Being 15 years old, you have touched yourself many times in the bunks of the barracks late at night. But someone else doing it was…something else.  In your aroused state, your voice raised a few pitches.

"Ah...amazing...please don’t stop." You pleaded breathlessly.

He smirked and raised himself to your chest area and traced his warm hands around the band of your plain white bra. You were briefly concerned about the stories Sasha told you, how guys get confused as fuck when they try to take off your bra, so you arched your back slightly to give him room to maneuver his hands. But she was wrong; he unhooked it easily, but to your relief, left it to cover your breasts. No one except the other girls in the 104th trainee corps have seen your boobs, and frankly, the fact a very dominating man was about to see them scared the shit out of you. You were on the smaller side compared to most of the other girls here, making you incredibly self-conscience. Besides your fears, you held your arms back and out of the way. You’re sure if he said all those nice things earlier (even if you were suspicious they were lies to get you here), you were sure he wouldn't stop and laugh you out of the room just because you had smaller boobs.

He rubbed them through the fabric of your bra, as if trying to get you used to his hands on them without _touching_ them touching them.  He quickly met his lips with yours once more, almost roughly this time, and full of need.  You laid back giving him more space to cover you. Without a second thought, your hands snaked up into his raven hair and pulled him closer to you. Simultaneously, you felt something hard poke your inner thigh. Fuck. He smiled awkwardly a little, seemingly embarrassed, which threw you off every time. You had not seen, nor has anyone you know seen, Lance Corporal Levi express any sort of emotion other than anger or disappointment outside of his bedroom.

You weren't really sure what to do, so you pretended you hadn't noticed. He straddled you again, and pulled your bra all the way off your shoulders, exposing you. The cool night air made your revealed flesh tingle. Even though it sounds quite obvious, you felt incredibly...naked. Your nipples had grown hard from the cold and arousal, not that he could see in this dim lamp-lit room. The sun had already set and there was no light streaming in through the curtained windows. He wasted no time taking your nipples in his hands and rolling them between his finger and thumb, causing you to gasp in a pleasure you've never experienced.  You never thought something like that would feel good, but you were so wrong. It felt great. He slid his right hand down to cup your breast and took one nipple in between soft lips.

"Mmmm…" You practically purred at his touch.

 His lips were so soft with nibbles so gentle and you felt so sensitive with his mouth so warm...You laced one hand through his hair and rested the other on his shoulder. You closed your eyes and tilted your head back as he switched nipples, his mouth coming off with a satisfying "pop". Far too early he removed his lips and fingers from your body entirely, which left you feeling empty where they used to be, his saliva leaving behind cool patches on your skin.

He got up off of you causing you to shiver, your skin losing the precious heat that he had been so generously sharing with you. You almost even whined about it; you were far too desperate to have him touch you to care about what a brat you sounded like, but then you noticed where his hands where moving to. First to a button, then a zipper, and finally the waistband of his white uniform pants. Your eyes opened wide as he pulled them down, revealing a pair of dark grey short boxer briefs that matched his steely eyes, the same eyes that were currently focused on you. You blushed again, averting your eyes because his felt far too intense. He leaned over you again, this time getting in between your legs, with each hand on either side of your head. You silently noted how large they were, compared to your small ones at least. Some of his weight was on you now, but rather than feeling uncomfortable, you kind of liked that pressure. He was hot to the touch, and the seven year old inside you wanted to snuggle up to him and sleep. But that’s not what the fifteen year old you really wanted, and you couldn't deny the wetness that was soaking through your cotton panties.

 As you looked up at him, and couldn't help but notice how he was breathing a little heavier and how his swollen lips parted slightly. He traced your eyes to his lips, and you couldn't help yourself from leaning up rather uncomfortably to kiss him. You think he realized how awkward of a position you were in and quite forcefully pushed you flat on your back again. He pulled away a little too quickly, as if rushed. It was pretty noticeable how something big and hard was poking against your panties. You didn’t think he noticed that we were both slightly grinding into that touch. You closed your eyes and felt his hot breath against your ear.

"Where do you want me to touch you?" He asked in a husky tone.

It was such a simple question, yet it caught you off guard as was embarrassingly straightforward.

"...Aahh...down...down there.” You carefully stated, trying to avoid the word.

 You didn't want to say anything more mortifying than it had to be. At this point you already felt kind of shameful... your corporal was already between your legs whispering suggestive things into your ear. That, and you were clad only with a pair of white, revealing underwear that couldn't even hide a smidge of your arousal behind its white fibers. Even with your vague answer, your face felt hot.

Your answer earned a small sigh from him as he got up off of you, causing a quiet whine of protest to escape your throat. He gently spread your legs more and kissed the inside of your thighs, making you even more wet than you already were. You squirmed a little. He was roughly biting, sucking and kissing some places on your upper inner thighs, which were sure to leave noticeable hickies. He never moved up as far as you wanted, but just him being so close drove you crazy with excitement. A particularly hard bite on your sensitive skin brought you out of your thoughts and made you squeak in pain.

"Oowww...heichou..."

 It was weird how high your voice had gotten just from your sexual excitement.

"I said you were not to lie to me. A half-truth is still a lie."

His warm tongue was flicking over the pain he just inflicted, as if he were apologizing for it. You sighed in pleasure. Some sick part of you _really_ liked what he just did. He looked up to you now and rested his cheek on your abused thigh.

“Now,” he said. "Tell the truth."

"Why do you like teasing me?" You asked, trying to avoid the question that was hanging in the air.

"Answer me, cadet." He warned, just a tad less aggressive than a growl.

Talking back to a superior was insubordination, and despite the situation, you silently scolded yourself.

"Yes sir" You said quietly.

 He looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. Walls...he was so close...only inches away.

 "My...uhhh..." 

This was all too embarrassing; before today you would never have even thought of letting someone else touch you like this.  You were too busy coming up with tricks to hide your lack of athleticism, but you guess this was the very abrupt stop to go and smell the roses. After a moment, he grew impatient.

 "Out with it." He growled.

 You were surprised he had been being this patient in the first place. He was going incredibly slow with you, and _only_ focusing on you. Suddenly it registered you hadn't done a single thing to make _him_ feel good this whole time, and he never once asked for it. You felt like a selfish brat. You could at the least answer his question.

Even if it did turn you the color of a tomato.

"My...uh..."

What’s appropriate to call it in this situation? Vagina? Cunt? Pussy?

“My pussy...I need you to touch my pussy, Levi." You said quietly, a little desperate whine in your voice.

 You hurriedly squeaked out a "please" , as if not to sound too rude. He didn't react much, but he seemed to like the use of his name in your plea, indicated by a faint smile.

"Tch. Finally."

He hooked his arms under your knees and yanked you to the edge of the bed. Was his self-control wavering? Levi wasted no time in taking your panties off, unfortunately ripping them off in the process. You didn't mind, after tonight they were kind of ruined anyway…plus, you thought it was kind of cute how he looked apologetically at the fabric, although you weren't sure if he was sorry for the fact that he ripped them or that he would have to clean up for it later. He tossed it in the trash bin before focusing all of his attention back to you and your urgent needs.

 He pushed your legs apart further, firmly gripping you by the underside of your knees. You weren't going anywhere, not that you wanted to. You would  You tensed up a bit, knowing that he probably wouldn't like what he saw. You tried your best to push every negative thought out of your mind. It was a bit late for being self-conscious, but you mentally thanked yourself for using my ration of razors and cream only a day or two ago.

"You’re...so wet." He stated simply, earning a blush from you.

 Every time you blushed, a small smirk would play up on his lips, and on this quite embarrassing (but amazing) autumn night, was often.

You gasped  when his tongue came in contact with your sensitive flesh. You moaned a little when he pushed apart your folds to give more access of you to his tongue. His nose nuzzled into your clit.

"....ahhhh....uhghh...nnnh"

 You tried, in vain, to quiet yourself down. It just felt so incredible. He switched to sucking on your swollen clit and slowly slipped a finger in your dripping cunt, pumping slowly. You could tell he was holding back, but he must’ve known you couldn't handle any more...

Soon that wonderful feeling started build and you began to shudder in pure pleasure. It became apparent why he was holding your legs so far apart; you were involuntarily trying to squeeze your legs together. You couldn’t help yourself, and he even had to take a slippery finger out of you and use his hand to hold your other leg back. You briefly thought about how you missed that finger, you wanted- no -needed to have him inside of you. Somehow.

You were already being pushed over the edge by the time you thought this, quivering and moaning uncontrollably at the mercy of his touch. Your breath hitched at your peak, but he kept working his skillful tongue on your sensitive pussy, and holding your legs so you were powerless to stop him. You came hard, and he removed his face and smirked at you, then licked his lips in satisfaction. He let go of your legs and left you a trembling mess.

"P-please." You begged, not sure if you were asking for him to stop or to go further.

"Please, what?" He inquired. But you weren't sure...but then you remembered how empty you felt when his finger slipped out of your soaking wet pussy...and your mind that was so clouded with lust came to a conclusion. Without hesitation, you told him exactly what you wanted.

"Fuck me, Levi." You whimpered. "Please."

"Tch. I've been waiting."

 _Was he annoyed with me?_ He stood up from where he was kneeling between your legs and slipped down his underwear. Your eyes grew wide. He seemed about 7 inches in length and he looked incredibly hard.  This was going to hurt.

"You uhh... look scared...”

Shit. He must’ve caught you staring. Again.

"I…uhh...will...you- that - fit?" You said, pointing a finger innocently at the body part in question.

 He just blinked at you and tried to keep a straight face. You caught a glimpse of his lips curving upward before he covered it with a hand and rested the other on his hip.  He removed his hand, and his mouth was set to its usual straight line. His grey eyes were a bit intimidating as they bore into your [e/c] ones.

"Tch. If not, I’ll make it fit." _That was his shot at "reassuring"?!_ The fear on your face must have been apparent as you scooted back enough so that only your ankles were hanging off his queen sized bed. A cry forced itself out of your mouth as he pinned you down by your wrists; your head hitting the pillow with a soft _pfft_. He was so hot and cold... one minute he would be nice and cute and the next he would be dominating and sexy.

He forced your legs apart with one knee, then settled in between them. His raised eyebrow seemed to show how amused he was; you got so flustered every time he took control.  You turned your head to escape his merciless gaze, but it was no use. He released the grip off one of your wrists and grabbed your chin, forcing you to face him.

"Don’t you worry [f/n]; I’m going to make you scream my name." He said, calm and confidently. 

 A tingle shot down your spine and settled in your soaked pussy. Now you _really_ wanted him to fuck you senseless, but there was also that overbearing fear of the pain. You were a virgin, and you knew it was guaranteed.

"Don’t hurt me..." You whispered, fear apparent in your shaking voice.

That earned an almost sad smile from the corporal. He could tell you were a virgin, and he knew it was going to hurt. He reached down to guide his member to your dripping cunt, and you braced yourself by grabbing the sheets (which was quite difficult because he was pinning you down) and bit your lip. He then applied a small amount pressure to you tight pussy...

"Wait!" You cried out, struggling against his grip.

He sat up between your legs, hands still holding you down by the wrists, and sighed.

"What is it, [f/n]?" Slight irritation apparent in his tone.

"Uhhh..."

 You weren't sure how to put this.

”...no...condom?"

He released your wrists and rested one hand next to your waist and the other on the back of his neck. You supported yourself on your elbows to talk to him properly.

"Well...I didn't think I would need one. I didn't plan this, you know."

He averted his eyes towards his dresser. Oh. You didn't mean to embarrass him.

"It’s okay..." You mumbled as you leaned back.  "Just pull out before you...if you..."

 "Well, no shit, brat.”

You almost smiled. He seemed a bit flustered at your question. He climbed back on top of you and held your hands. He seemed a bit unsure of this now, but even though you were terrified of the pain, you were not unsure.

"Please...fuck me, Levi." You encouraged, growing excitement fueling your desperation.

A devious smile spread across his lips right before he leaned down to kiss you, your expression now matching his own.  He reached one hand down to guide his cock to your wet pussy. You gasped and shut your eyes tightly when he started applying pressure, groaning when he entered you. Your fingers gripped the sheets and his hands and you were biting your bottom lip so hard you thought you were going to bleed. You tried to hide how much pain you were in, but you were doing a shitty job at it. Tears pricked your eyes and threatened to fall. 

"Just breathe" You heard him mumble, hot breath hitting your ear.

You released the breath you had subconsciously been holding, and took a deep one. He slowly slid more and more of himself in, until there was about four full inches inside of you. You didn't even realize you were crying until you tasted salt. When he noticed your tears, you thought you heard him mumble "it’s okay".   


You don’t think the corporal would try to comfort you, although earlier you had thought none of this would happen.

He began to slowly shallowly pump in and out of you, and removed one hand from yours to rub your clit with his thumb. His lips pressed against yours, working them apart and slipping a tongue in to dance with yours. Pleasure mixed with pain and soon enough your hips were rocking in time with his. Instead of dreading it, you soon loved the feeling of him being inside of you. You felt full. Even more accurate, _completed_ , as if his cock fucking you was as natural as breathing.  You moaned in pleasure with each thrust, your voice getting higher and higher as your pleasure increased. It felt like ecstasy. Your eyes opened slightly when your lips parted, and locked intimately on his.

"Unhhh...it feels so good…Please don’t stop...I love how your big cock stretches my tight little pussy..."  You moaned breathlessly.

_Wow...did I really just say that? Oohhh it felt so good..._

His thumb changed direction on your clit and sped up, with even more pressure. Involuntarily, your hands reached up to meet his muscular back, softly scratching and pulling him closer as you grinded against him.

"I'm sorry for calling you short.....mmm...ah!...please punish me... I deserve it..."

The better it felt, the more embarrassing truths were moaned out of your shameless mouth. You neared an orgasm again, and your breaths became more and more shallow.

"Heichou" You panted. "Harder…please…”.

He obliged to your request with a grunt, pumping in harder and faster; your eyes snapping shut in response.

"Levi!...I’m c-cu-"

Your orgasm hit you like a wall of pleasure and you saw stars as you shuddered uncontrollably. Your mind was so clouded with lust when he pulled out of your quivering pussy reluctantly and came on your belly.

"Tch. So messy". He stated, tone as cool as usual.

He had a lot of endurance, and you could tell by the look he was giving you that he would love to take you for a few more rounds. You had no such endurance, and he knew that by the way you passed out on the 5 minute run to his office. He got up and hooked his arms under your knees and pulled you to the edge of the bed. You felt so dazed you didn’t even protest when he was lapping up the wetness that was coating your inner thighs. Just to tease you, he licked on the edges of your very sensitive pussy. His nose nudged up against your clit and you hips shook. He was too much for you.

 "Sir!" You exclaimed, face flushed with both pleasure and embarrassment.

He sighed and pulled a handkerchief from his jacket that was lying neatly on his leather chair. _When had he had time to fold it…?_ You tried to keep your tummy still as he wiped up his own cum, but your heavy pants wouldn't let you.

 You were really tired, and the heat from sex began to wear off leaving you freezing cold once more. You groaned and crawled underneath the covers, and he slid in next to you. You rested your head on his bicep and closed your eyes, concentrating on your breathing, (which you noted was much faster than his). His cheek rested on top of your head and you could feel his muscles relax against your naked form. When your breathing finally slowed to almost normal, he spoke up.

"You know, it’s been an hour since lights-out."

Fuck. You hadn't realized how long you've been with him. You curled up next to him and waited about 15 minutes for his breathing to slow before you moved away. As you got up, you glanced back at him. He looked so...peaceful. His eyebrows, usually furrowed with anger were relaxed, eyes closed as he slowly drifted off. You couldn't resist planting a kiss on his cheek. For once, a genuine smile spread across his face.

"Thank you, Levi" You whispered, before you got up to make your exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I've never written smut before, so please forgive me v.v
> 
> Leave your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear them c: seriously. any feedback is appreciated Cx 
> 
> ~~I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin, the characters, etc.


	3. Complication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You run into some complications, and his name is Jean Kirstein.

You weren’t expecting your legs to feel like jelly when you stood up for the first time in what seemed like hours. Or your vagina to hurt like a bitch. You fell against the bed again as your stomach growled. Shit...you had completely skipped dinner and haven’t eaten since breakfast. Whatever, breakfast was in about 7 hours, and you could sleep through most of it. Still in a slight haze, you grabbed one of the dress shirts off the chair and haphazardly buttoned it up. In the dim light, you couldn’t find your pants. Either pair. And your underwear was destroyed. Fuck it, you were cold and tired and wanted nothing more than to curl up in the relative warmth of your bunk and sleep. Plus you didn’t want your shuffling around the room to wake Levi up. He looked so damn relaxed, which when talking about Corporal Levi is simply unheard of.

It was very difficult trying to navigate yourself through the dark since your eyes weren’t adjusting too well to the pitch-black of night. When you finally made your way to the barracks, you almost sighed in relief. Almost. Years of training and nightmares made many of the girls unbelievably light sleepers, even the slightest creak of a board could wake these fierce ladies.

You dragged your exhausted body to your bunk, the second to last on the left, and climbed in. It took you a few seconds to register all the things wrong with this situation:

1) it was a lot warmer than your bunk.  
2) something was pressed up against your front.  
 3) that something was giving off heat.  
 4) that someone wrapped an arm around you, pulling you to their chest and rested their head on yours.

That someone snored kind of cutely, like a sleeping bear cub. And that someone wasn’t even a girl. His chest was too muscular, and even more obviously lacked boobs.

"Marco...?" A sleepy voice mumbled.

What the fuck was Jean doing in your bed?! You tried to stay calm as your body froze, shutting down, unable to react to such a situation. Some soldier you are. Suddenly you were on your back with a hand clasped firmly over your mouth, and staring up into the amber eyes of a very pissed Jean Kirstein.

"What the hell are you doing in my bed?!" He yell-whispered.

His tone was livid, but his eyes were tearing up. He must’ve realized something was wrong by your terrified expression, because his face softened slightly.

"Don’t scream or anything...” He murmured before pulling his hand back, sitting up so you could face each other.

Instead of answering his question, you defensively chose to change the subject. In that moment you were so grateful the sheets were covering your lower half so he couldn’t discover your dirty secret.

"Are you okay?"

Jean looked away, as if he suddenly your eyes became too intense.

"I can’t believe I’m saying this... but ahh...it seems we both want answers... so let’s talk outside, okay?" He rushed out.

 You nodded silently and stood up next to the bed. You didn’t really have any other option but to oblige, although you were curious to see what it would be like to talk to your long-time crush for a bit. You were genuinely concerned about why he looked like he was going to cry earlier and…Marco…Marco had just died a few days ago…

 You noticed the other bunks were filled with sleeping male forms. You internally face palmed. You must’ve been too out of it to pay attention to what you were doing. But now you were wide awake.  The girls’ barrack _is_ right next to the guys’, but this was a HUGE mistake.

Your stomach growled loudly, breaking you from my thoughts. Jean pulled an apple from under his mattress and tossed it to you. Thank the walls, you caught it. If you  didn’t, it chanced waking up one of the guys. You could not risk that right now.  You nodded and smiled as a “thank you”, and followed Jean out of the barracks.

He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the ground in front of him. You made your way outside and walked behind one of the bigger trees. He was trying to not get caught for being out after dark. After tonight, you were far too _done_ to care.

"Thanks," You said gruffly when you made it there.

"For what?"

 You took a bite. Golden delicious. Your favorite.

 "The apple…and not killing me for waking you up." You smiled weakly as a feeble attempt to ease the awkward tension hanging in the air.

"Oh. Uhhh…no problem..."

It took a moment for his sleepy brain to devise of a good comeback.

“I thought your stomach was going to wake up the whole fucking barrack."

Sassy as always. You almost choked on your apple; you laughed so hard, but tried to keep it down.

 "That loud?" You whispered, smiling in the dark.

Jean was grinning, but brought his face to his shoulder, as if he was wiping away tears on his sleeve. What was with all the males and their emotions all night? Was there a full moon? The stoic Levi was smiling and now the proud Jean was crying? You respected Jean a lot for being a great and strong soldier. He was a leader, a sarcastic and cocky one at that, but a leader nonetheless.

"Jean?"

You cautiously reached a hand to put on his shoulder, but he flinched. You quickly put your hand back down to your side, and his eyes followed its path. Amber eyes grew wide.

 "Why is your...are you..."

Your eyes had just begun to adjust to the dark, and you could just make out his flustered expression.

“What?" You said, with a little too much sass than you intended.

You mumbled an apology for your tone.

 "You’re not uhhh..." He looked up into the tree branches and clasped a hand around the back of his neck.

_I’m not what...? Supposed to be here? No shit Jean..._

 "Wearing...pants..."

Your cheeks flared up in an intense blush. He was going to take this the wrong way. Shiiiiiiit. You looked down. This shirt was a bit baggy on the sides, but was short as fuck, barely long enough to cover your ass. You must’ve grabbed Levi’s shirt. You tried tugging it down in the back to make it look as if it was a bit more modest than it actually was. You failed to notice that your adjustments were causing it to slide up in the front.

"YOU'RE NOT WEARING PANTI-" You pushed him against the tree and slammed both hands over his mouth. His screams came out as mumbles under your fingers. His eyes were so wide and his face was hot to the touch.

 "Shut the fuck up, Jean! Do you want to wake every one up?!"

He gently took your hands in his and pulled them away from his face, revealing a winning smile. He had regained his cool.

"If you wanted some of this, you could’ve just asked" he purred with a wink.

Your jaw dropped. _Did he really…just…?_ You felt his hands grip your waist as he pulled you closer. _What the hell was he doing...?_ It didn't seem to register in your exhausted mind until it was too late, and his lips were pressed softly to yours. _What the fuck? He was kissing me!_ Or trying to. You were frozen for a few seconds before he broke the kiss, eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion.

"What’s wrong?" He seemed so baffled. _Males..._

 "I...uhhh...I didn’t mean to...umm..." You must have been blushing furiously at this point.

His stare seemed far too intense, forcing you to look away. You covered my tingling lips with a hand.

“What...what?" He seemed a bit too shocked. He must have known you had a crush on him since orientation, when that asshole Shadis was screaming at you guys. Then, he had this cute and serious look on his face, like he could take on the world.  Ever since then, you had tried to make your interest as apparent as possible without coming off as desperate.

 "This night has been so _fucked up_..." you cried, throwing your hands up in exasperation, and then clasping them over your face.  You were the definition of “done” right now.

                This seriously must’ve been a dream.

“Wait...Connie said something about you not coming to dinner...he was kind of worried. Where did you go?"

It didn’t add up…this was far to detailed to be a dream…and it _does_ line up with what happened before…you took another bite of the apple and tried to compose a good lie. You were awful at lying. You panicked and gave the first excuse to pop into your head.

 "Oh. I just...ah...wasn’t in the best mood...and...that time of the mon-"

 "Okay," he cut you off, holding his hands up, disbelief layering in his tone.

 "I call bullshit. What girl walks around on her...period-“ (he seemed to spit that word out) “-without panties on?"

Fuck. Why did you have to go with the one thing he could rule out instantly? Still, you were sort of impressed a boy figured that out though. He glanced at your hair, which must have been horrifically fucked up, and back to your eyes.

"So," he smirked, "What really happened tonight?''

 You panicked, but quickly regained your composure after an idea popped into your devious little mind. _I’ll turn the tables._

"What I want to know" You said, poking the taller, handsome male in the chest, and glaring up defiantly with a smirk playing on your lips.

"Is why" You looked him dead in the eye.

"You tried cuddling me and whispered ‘Marco’ in my ear."

His smug smile was wiped off his face instantly, and he looked away; simultaneously making you feel like shit. You scrambled to think of the right things to say.

"Shit. I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry Jean. I’m such a bitch-"

 "No...it’s okay." You could barely hear him, so you inched a bit closer. He took a deep breath.

"Marco...he's...gone" he struggled to get the words out.

You don’t have to..." you began. You knew they were such close friends. Why did you say that?

“No. I have to tell someone..."

You waited patiently for him to continue. The moonlight shone in the tears that were silently falling from his eyes, streaming down his cheeks. You knew you had crossed the line. Marco had been Jean's best friend. You felt awful. You can’t believe you just brought this up made him talk about it because of your own shame. _I’m so selfish..._

"Marco was an amazing friend" he began, choking on his friend’s name.

"He used to sleep in the bunk next to me...and I had nightmares a lot so he...he crawled in next to me and helped me fall asleep." He rushed out.

He covered his mouth, trying to keep himself quiet. "We became more than friends the day before he-" 

You didn’t let him finish. You wrapped your arms around his crying form, and put your hand in his multicolored hair and gently pulled him toward your shoulder. Instead of making him bend down awkwardly, you guided him down to a sitting position.

"Shhhh..." You played with his messy bedhead and tried to sooth him. You really were a sweet girl…just awkward.

"I thought you were Marco" he whispered, his voice quivering slightly.

 You felt so awful. Scratch that. You _were_ awful.  You didn’t mean to bring back all these bad emotions, especially to someone you care about. Tears soaked your shoulder, and you rested your head on his. His arms wrapped around you so tightly, you thought he would never let go.

This was so unbearably common among trainees…trying to act tough after something so traumatic as your first fight…when you first lose someone.  But it never works. You’ve seen it time and time again, you’ve even seen the unbreakable Annie cry.  It shouldn’t surprise you Jean would too. You may be soldiers, but you’re also still kids. You always felt awkward trying to comfort these kids, so you eventually gave up, distancing yourself from it all, but this time you kept it up. There was no one else there, and this was your fault.

Even with all this going on, you couldn’t help thinking: _So…he’s bi?_

Fatigue hit you when he finally let go and wiped his nose on his sleeve. You noticed for the first time he was only wearing boxers and a moss green t-shirt. It was more than you were wearing...but still nothing compared to your full covering and layered uniforms. You both probably felt naked. You knew you did.

"So" he said, voice still shaking from the crying, but with his usual cockiness regained.

 "Where were you?"

The ball was in your court again. You froze again. After he told you the truth...you just couldn’t lie to him.

"Uhhhh...."

You weren’t sure how to put this: _I was going to get kicked out but then I fucked the corporal?_ Yeah, that sounded fucking spectacular.

"I mean...I have a pretty good idea by the messed up hair, men’s dress shirt and lack of panties. So, who was it?" He gestured to your appearance, looking you over with a grin.

 He seemed genuinely interested, with a slight hint of jealousy in his tone, but you must have imagined that. You brushed it off as if it was just him being bitter about not getting any from Mikasa. "Who?" He repeated, more persistent this time. "I promise I won’t tell" he smiled welcomingly.

You took a deep breath.

"Levi." You said quietly.

"Wait…what the hell?! How did you manage that?!" He whisper-yelled in surprise.

You shifted out of your kneel into sitting Indian style to distance yourselves a bit, and stretch your arms up. _Was he…was he going to be mad?_ You were genuinely scared about what Jean’s reaction could be. You stared at your balled up fists that rested in your lap.

 "Bruises..." he mumbled, glaring at your newly exposed thighs and wrists. 

"Did he...did he rape you...?" He genuinely sounded concerned, and his question caught you completely off guard.

"NO! No...well...I didn't really agree...and it was kind of blackmail and he’s twice my age but..."  You trailed off.  What the fuck were you supposed to say? That you enjoyed every second of it? Your face burned.

He seemed a bit irritated at this.

"...but...?"

It was as if he was daring you to say something stupid, which was all you had.

"He was really trying to make me feel good...it wasn’t like he was using me...at least it didn’t feel like it..."

Jean gripped his hair and looked away. He sighed, sounding really disappointed. His silence made you rethink everything you had just said. _Was I used…?_  You bit your lip and looked down, and waited for him to scold you. _Call me a whore. Get pissed. Laugh. Call me stupid. Something._

"Shit, [f/n]?"

You hesitantly met his amber eyes with your watery [e/c] ones. He wrapped his arms around you, and brought me into a tight hug. You squeaked from surprise.

 "You look like you’re about to cry. I fucking hate it when girls cry."

You thanked the walls for the nth time this evening, for giving you a face that always looked angry or depressed.  Although, you had begun to tear up, terrified of what he was going to say or do. You really couldn’t handle him yelling at you, or you would have really started to sob. You didn’t like the thought of Levi using you...but Jean seemed to have a point. You nuzzled your face into his shoulder and breathed in his scent. It kind of reminded you of the stables you used to work at, before the colossal titan broke through wall Maria and ruined it all. You really loved that smell.  You smiled like an idiot into his t-shirt, and allowed the few tears that stung your eyes to fall. You rested your loose fists on his chest. You stayed like that for a few moments before he motioned you to scoot up and sit on his lap, but you didn’t think that was going to go over well considering your lack of panties. He was confused, but he finally got it.

"Do you want to...uhh... borrow my shirt? It’s much longer than what you’re wearing..."

A cute blush warmed up his cheeks. Never in a million years did you believe you could get the infamously arrogant Jean Kirstein as flustered as he was right now. Part of you accepted because it was a good idea, another because Jean was being uncharacteristically nice and you planned to take full advantage of that. But mostly because...it sounded weird but you’d love to smell that smell for as long as possible. It reminded you of home, which was something incredibly rare here.

He slid off his light green T, exposing a nice set of sun kissed abs. After a few moments, he tossed it at your face.

"Hey!" you cried.

"Stop staring," he smirked.

Same old cocky Jean...

"Stay here." You instructed, and stalked off towards the woods.

A strong autumn wind decided to grace you with its presence and flip up Levi's shirt, causing you to scramble and earning a few snickers from Jean. You turned around and mouthed "fuck you" and held up your favorite finger. You hurriedly made your way to the edge of the forest, hoping another incident like that wouldn’t arise and embarrass you further.

When you were sure Jean couldn’t peep, you neatly unbuttoned Levi's shirt and folded it over a low tree branch before slipping on Jeans. The soft jersey knit warmed your cold skin and smelled just like him. Even better, this shirt stopped mid-thigh, still short but definitely an improvement from Levi’s. Another particularly strong wind whipped through the trees and chilled you to the bone. It was really dark back here, and you felt really alone as fear gripped your heart and tightened your muscles. _Did I hear something…?_ What you think was a beetle crawled over your bare foot. You shrieked _. Fuck this, I’m out of here!_ You grabbed Levi's crisp shirt and bolted out from the trees with the energy you didn’t have.

When you made it back to Jean, you were panting as he tried to hide his laughter behind his hand.

"What the fuck did you see? You look like you’ve seen a ghost."

"I don’t like the dark...or bugs...or the cold."

 "You mean you’re afraid" he teased.

"Fuck off" You yawned, too tired to really object. You plopped down on the grass, careful not to get his shirt dirty.

 "You tired?" He asked, sitting on his haunches in front of you.

It was kind of funny, him sitting there all worried in only his boxers.

"Yesss..."

Your eyes grew heavy and you laid down on your side in the soft grass. Fuck his shirt and its cleanliness. Sleep was welcoming you like a warm blanket, and you weren’t rude enough as to decline such an enticing offer.

"[f/n]...?"

 You rested your head on your elbow and curled up to shield yourself from the cold autumn air. You yawned again, fatigue finally coming over you for the final time tonight.

"[f/n]!" he whisper-yelled, shaking you gently.

A small part of you told you you couldn’t sleep here, but your body was done with that part's shit and refused to move. Jean didn’t know what to do.

"Shit, [f/n], wake up!" He shook harder.

"Piss off" You mumbled. You couldn’t see it, but you heard the smile in his voice.

 "Do you want to...stay with me...like Marco?" His voice cracked a little, which was a little cute."I mean you _did_ wake me up and make me talk about it..." He rambled on.

Even in my half-awake state, you could tell he was just making up excuses for you to stay with him. But you felt like you owed him. There had been a long silence, and he broke it.

 "I’ll carry you."

You smiled weakly.

"Deal."

 It took all of your will power to pry yourself from the ground and sit up. You rubbed your bleary eyes. Jean was shivering a little. It was pretty cold, and he was only in his underwear.

"Ready?"

You nodded.

                You snaked your arms around his neck and he wrapped your legs around his waist. In this moment you were even more grateful he let you borrow his shirt, which in its stretched form, covered you fully and acted as a barrier between your skin.  He supported you by pushing you up by your bottom with his arms. You were in the position of a classic little kid who was too tired to move being carried by a caring parent. Your clothes told an entirely different story, a story of some kids who just “totally banged”. Both were pretty far from the truth, but it was what it was.

You rested your face in the crook of his neck and closed your eyes.

 "You’re warm" he mumbled into your ear.

The only sound you heard for a while was Jean's footsteps, and then he broke the ice. You were on the edge of sleep, but did your best to pay attention.

“There’s one thing left unanswered" he began.

"Mmm?" You hummed into his shoulder.

"Why did you get in my bed?"

 "Same bunk...different barrack..."

"Oh."

He seemed slightly disappointed, as if he was hoping you had done it on purpose. An awkward silence followed.

"You know...Jean..."

"Hmm?"

"I really like you..." You heard yourself say.

Your filter seemed to have turned off after becoming too tired; you weren’t even embarrassed by your confession. You let the sound of his footsteps and breath lull you further to sleep. He still smelled great. His muscles stiffened slightly beneath you.

"But you slept with Levi."

He couldn’t be talking to you. He was too far away, too quiet. You smiled into his shoulder and let yourself submit to the exhaustion that had finally become too tempting to resist.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the timeline is kind of messed up...and this is fluffier than a newborn kitten... but hope you like it ^-^"
> 
> Please leave a kudos or comment, anything your thinking, I love to hear it ~


	4. Waking Up

You woke up to your stomach sounding like a dying whale. The first thing you noticed was the pressure of another body against your front, and you opened your eyes to the semi-lit skin of a male chest. _Fuck_. You better get out of here before a superior wakes you up and find you like this. That would be very bad. Very, _very_ bad.  Hanji usually woke up you ladies with a rather irritating, repetitive song about how _fascinating_ titans are. In your opinion, she was an ignorant bitch. You bet if a titan ate _her_ family she’d be a little less enthusiastic about figuring them out and a bit more about killing them. But you just can't hate her; she has her heart in the right place.

On the other hand, you had no idea who woke up the guys, but you heard he was a real hard ass. You didn’t want to mess with that. You tried to move, but Jean had an arm protectively around your torso, caging in you and your arms.

 "Jean!" You whisper-yelled into his ear.

"Wake the fuck up!"

He groaned and gripped you tighter, forcing your hands to press up against his bare chest. _Mmm...he was so warm and toned...dammit [f/n]this is not the time!_ You formed fists and tried beating on his chest, but you didn’t have enough space to do so hard enough. You attempted a kick, but not even that woke him up. _Maybe a little harder...shit!_ Your bare toe collided with the wood of the bunk, and you yelped in pain, tears pricking your eyes.

Oh no. Over Jean's shoulder, you could see a figure sit up in bed and rub at his forehead.

"Jean could you fucking-" yawn "-keep it down? It’s so goddamn early." he turned toward you.

Shit. _I’m so dead._

"I know you have nightmares but you sound like a fucking gir...[f/n]?"

You almost cried.

 "Eren!"

 You squirmed against Jean.

"Help me! I gotta get out of here and Jean won’t wake the fuck up!!" you pleaded.

"You slept with horseface?!"

                You didn’t have time for this. You’d explain later, but the more the sun began to shine through the high barrack windows, the less time you had.

"Just help me!" You hissed.

He laughed a little

"The [f/n]I know has more taste than that. I must be dreaming," he mumbled and sank back into his bunk.

"EREN YOU LITTLE SHIT!" You hissed.

No such luck.You struggled against Jean's grip again, but with your arms caged in like this and the physical disadvantage, you were screwed. You sighed in defeat. You had a fleeting thought of kicking Jean in his jewels but quickly decided against it. 1) he’d hate you and 2) what if he cried out in pain and woke everyone up?  Ughh...time to use plan B. This would be a good time to come up with one. The only option seemed to be to make a run for it when their superior woke them up for their morning jog. You would hide your face, haul ass to the women’s barracks, and change as quickly as possible. Yeah, it was an awful plan, but it’s all you had.  You rested your head on his chest and closed your eyes. You tried to calm down and match Jean's slow, heavy breaths, but it didn’t work in the slightest. You were in a full out panic, not being able to move was one of your many fears, but not being able to move while you needed to escape was driving you into outright despair. What was going to happen to you if you were caught? Who would see you? What would they think...the thoughts swam around in your head and gnawed at your mind like hungry sharks. You counted off the seconds to try to distract yourself. One...two...three...

~~~

...six sixty sev-

"GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OUT OF BED YOU FUCKING BRATS!" I froze.

                Nononono _no_ thiscouldnotbehappening. You wish it was Hanji, even with her annoying singing. How could you have ever taken her for granted?! Jean loosened his grip as he woke up, and you took the opportunity to push him off and stumble out of bed. As much as you liked Jean, it didn’t even come close to the fear that was building in your chest right now. You hit the floor instantly, but quickly stumbled to your feet and sprinted towards the one and only exit, which Levi was standing a couple yards in front of. _Maybe I could run right by him, without him noticing..._ he did seem pretty busy with waking up Connie...You  never thought you’d ever say this, but thank you Connie, you’re so helpful! Your footsteps were silent beneath the groans of waking teenage boys. So close! Maybe you’d make it!

But of course, you were wrong. Levi turned at the last second and saw you coming. You never saw him so mad before, which really was saying something. You were as good as dead. He reached out an arm to close line you, but for once, you were quicker. You fell to your knees and rock-star slid right under his arm and got up quicker than you thought you ever could. When you got up, you were right against someone’s bunk. _Shit_. You rolled on your shoulder on some poor kid to get through, squeaking a "sorry" as you passed through. That poor kid was Armin, you could tell by his groan of pain amd by the judge of it, you hit him right in the groin. Sucks, but you were almost to the door. _I’m home free! I’m passing under the doorway!_

 _I’m going to live to see anoth_ \- something strong grabbed the back of your shirt, and yanked you back to the barrack and reality. It was a suicide mission, but you had come close. You silently said a few prayers. When you met freckled Jesus, you’d tell him what an amazing guy Jean is. Share some memories.

"Where the _fuck_ do you think you’re going?"

 Marco wasn’t the jealous type, and you just knew he'd love to hear. The corporal grabbed you by the shoulder and forced you to face him. Teenage eyes bore into you from every angle, screaming questions that they didn’t dare utter aloud. You’d rather look at any of theirs than the grey ones that were burning into your face. You glanced up, and saw Jean in the back, sitting up in bed in disbelief, not sure if to do something or not.

For the first time, it crossed your mind that he could get in trouble for this too. Possibly even more trouble than you. You were so selfish. His amber eyes met yours, and you hoped he could see in your expression that you were begging for him to stay put and be quiet. You didn’t want to drag him any further into this, he didn’t do anything wrong.

"Well?" Levi snarled.

 You looked at him, but you wish you hadn’t. Even with all the anger on his face, you could tell that under it all he was hurt. Anyone could. _This is bad. Very, very bad._   He turned around and roughly threw you to the floor in front of him, facing the audience of all the 104th trainee boys. This looks fucking horrible.

"Who the FUCK...did... _this_?" He was so mad; he couldn’t even say your name as he pointed at your kneeling form.

You stared at your hands in front of you, refusing to look up from shame. In your peripheral vision, you could see guys looking at each other, as if asking if he did _it._ Your cheeks burned.  You were going to get labeled as a whore. Better than being kicked out though. You hoped Levi wouldn’t kick you out. He wouldn’t...shit, no...even the thought made your eyes burn from held-back tears.

"COME FORWARD OR IM SENDING HER THE FUCK HOME."

He was furious. Hot tears spilled on your cheeks, and you covered your mouth to choke back sobs. Your pride was destroyed as shame branded your red face. You couldn’t look up from the ground.

“I did."

The voice was almost proud, full of defiance. _Walls dammit, Jean!_   You whipped around to look up at my corporal.

"NO! He’s lying, I didn’t do ANYTHING with Jean, I promise..." You trailed off after rambling, it clear in heichou's eyes that he wasn’t buying it.

"Please don’t hurt him..." You pleaded, choking on a sob.

He didn’t show any remorse as he stalked past you. Your legs felt too weak to stand, but Jean was up on his feet, his hands balled into fists by his side. He stood just in his boxers and held no salute when the corporal stood before him. Guess the time for formalities were long gone. This was so fucking bad. Why did Levi have to be the one to wake the guys up? Why did Jean have to say anything?! Why did it have to look as bad as it did? Thoughts flooded your mind until it shut down.

You saw the scene as it acted out before you. Levi was screaming at Jean. Jean didn’t react, but you could tell he was at least a little scared. Jean glanced to you and gave a weak smile, earning a smack from Levi. Levi grabbed Jeans arm and forced him to the ground and kicked him in the ribs. Then again. And again. And again. Jean held his side and blood dribbled from his mouth. The other guys didn’t move, but were just staring. Like you. Levi's lips were curled into a vicious snarl. Jean's face contorted in pain. _Why wasn’t he fighting back?_ Levi grabbed Jean by the shoulders and forced him against the wall. He leaned in and whispered something in Jean's ear.

Whatever he said, it sure as hell pissed off Jean. Jean pushed him off with a growl, and soon it was a flurry of fists and feet from both parties. You heard Armin gasp behind you as Levi's jacket was torn. You had to do something. You knew you couldn’t just go to them and break them up. Your corporal had no idea how to solve his problems other than strategic violence, but the emotions he was feeling threw logic out the fucking door. You would end up in the fight rather than ending it.

This was your entire fucking fault. If you hadn’t lied about your age this wouldn’t be happening. If you hadn’t been so out of shape this wouldn’t be happening. If you pushed yourself harder in training, you might have blown your cover and not have even been here this long to have this happen. If you didn’t stay with Levi, or Jean, _none_ of this would be happening. So much for low-key.  You forced yourself to your feet, and searched for an idea.

"Sorry Armin..." You whispered as you grabbed his boot.

 You took aim and fired, throwing it directly into the short corporal’s back, right between the shoulder blades. Although breaking it up was an awful idea, you had to do it. At least you had an idea that put some distance between you guys. Levi instantly whipped around and glared at you, removing himself from Jean and standing to face you. You can’t believe you were doing this shit  in front of all the other cadets. You took a deep breath and tried to put an edge in your voice.

"If you want a fucking fight, I’m _right here._ “

You must've gone fucking crazy. Last night you were moaning _his_ name in _his_ bed and now you were challenging him to fight in front of all the boys? Well, you were dead meat anyways. Jean propped himself up on his elbows to look at you, with his mouth curled in a stupid grin. He had a split lip, some scrapes on his body from the wood floors along with some bruising, but mostly he was okay.

Levi walked towards you, slow and calculated, like a tiger stalking its prey. But you held your ground. You were NOT going to be argued about like some topic or over like a fucking piece of meat. Soon you two were face to face. He soon realized you weren't going to budge.

"Tch...come to my office."

 "BOTH of you." He said much louder.

"And all of you brats," he spat. "Run laps until I come back."

The boys responded in an unsure "yes sir" before stuffing themselves into their clothes. The corporal instructed you to go forward, and deliberately walked in between you and Jean to form a barrier, as if you were just going to start making out in front of him if he didn't take action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...short chapter (I think?)  
> Anyway, sorry for not uploading in a while, school is taking up my entire life n.n  
> I hope you enjoy, there are many more chapters to come c:


	5. Misunderstanding?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touchy topic I understand, the situation is delicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI  
> this chapter is...well you'll just have to read any find out.  
> I cringe at my own writing XD  
> Well, enjoi

You were surprised you all made it to his office in one piece. You expected something to set one of the guys off like a bomb and they’d start pounding at each other _. So far, so good..._ although good was a relative term at the moment. Levi sat at his desk in a black leather chair.You stood before him, Jean on your right side, but several feet away. It felt too far. Levi looked at you with the same blank expression he gave anyone. It was wrong, but it hurt a lot. _He had looked at me with much less apathy yesterday..._ he spoke up.

"Why the fuck did you sleep with Jean? Right after me? What made you think you could violate an order to go back to your barrack?"

He was trying hard to keep his voice level and keep this matter as close to professional as possible. You were just trying not to break into tears.

"We didn’t...we didn’t sleep together. Not in the sexual sense at least...honest."

 Jean glared at the corporal across the desk. You wonder what Levi had whispered to him back in the barrack...

"So what made you think it would be okay to go to the _boy_ 's barracks and sleep in cadet Kirstein's bed?"

 He was just barely containing himself from a growl. He didn’t believe you. You swallowed and continued to tell the truth.

 "After I left last night, I was really tired and wasn’t paying attention. I ended up in Jean's bunk because his bed is in the same place as mine, but in the guy's building." 

"Tch. Dumbass, why did you STAY?"

Anger was rising in his voice. You shrunk a little.

"We went outside to straighten things out and-" Jean cut you off.

"I asked her."

Why did he have to say that? You were going to cover for him and he would be out of trouble and everything would be okay...at least for him. You faced Jean.

"NO, you didn’t, I _offered_."

 "[f/n], its fine-"

"No its not."

"Don’t lie-"

Levi was losing his patience.

"[f/n], you’re a fucking terrible liar. Stop trying. Remember what I told you last night."

That sure shut you up. A blush spread on your face as you remembered all the things you hadn’t lied about. There was awkward silence.

"We don’t have the whole fucking day, Kirstein." He seemed annoyed, but was genuinely trying to keep his emotions out of this.

Jean cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he continued. He started at the beginning.

"When she got into my bed, I wasn’t awake. I didn’t know it was her. I had been dreaming of someone else...and thought it was h-...him."

Damn, he just outed himself in front of the corporal. He was incredibly brave...much more so than you. You stared at your bare toes, which were curling nervously against the hardwood.

"Who is "he?” Levi questioned. His voice was monotone, but you had the feeling there was something sinister behind those sharp grey eyes. He was asking just to embarrass Jean further.

"Marco. Marco Bodt. He's dead." Jean struggled with the last two words. Jean attempted to continue without being questioned further, but Levi wasn’t going to be as compassionate towards him as he was you. If you even call that compassion.

"Who was Marco to you?"

Why was he doing this? Was he trying to psychologically break Jean down because he couldn’t do it physically? Jean was a stubborn bastard though. He wasn’t ashamed of his relationship with Marco.

 "He was my best friend, and in the very end, my boyfriend. He climbed into my bed each night after all the other boys fell asleep so we could act like what we felt, not what act we put up during the day. I truly loved...love...Marco."

"Tch. So if you are so in love with your dead boyfriend, why’d you bother keeping [f/n] with you?" You could almost hear a smile in his voice. You traced the wood grain of the floor with your eyes.

“Stop it.” You whispered, afraid to really speak up, but unable to stand for that sort of torture.

You weren’t really sure what Jean was going to say next, because hell, you didn’t even know he kept you. Pretty good question, actually.

 "Lots of reasons. One being that I thought if I had someone with me I wouldn’t be as plagued with the same nightmares, I could actually get some sleep. I was right."

 _What…?_ You instantly felt awful for trying to wake him up this morning.   _He probably was sleeping better than he has since…_

"But it’s not just that. I’m glad it was her."

_What?_

"She needed my help, and I needed hers."

Was he...was he going to tell him? Oh walls…don’t make this worse than it is already.

"Last night, I told her about Marco and me. She was the first to know. She listened, without judging me of what I was. In turn, she told me about what happened before...before she got in my bed."

Oh my walls...please don’t go there... You looked at him with pleading eyes. _Please don’t do this_!

"She said no." Jean snarled.

"You found something out about her and used it against her as soon as you could. You knew she had to keep quiet, or you would send her back. Well, send us both back while you’re at it. Because I refuse to work under an officer who rapes such an innocent girl."

Innocent is a bit much...but wow.  Was it really… _that?_ You must have really helped him out by seeing him last night. Even under the circumstances. Levi was just about to lose his shit.

"Listen here you little _shit_. " he spat.

"I don’t know what she told you, but i did _not_ rape [f/n]. I wanted nothing more than to please her."

You wish you could hide under the desk. You couldn’t decide if you were relieved or humiliated that they were talking _about_ you rather than _to_ you, but either way, you felt dirty. _A bitch. A whore. A slut. Call me something, even if it made me feel bad, it couldn’t be worse than what I’m feeling right now._   Jean took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool.

"This could be solved easily. [f/n], what happened?"

The way he said your name made you feel like a victim. You were no victim. You didn’t deserve to be treated as kindly as you were. You really didn’t. If you didn’t tell Jean what had happened he would probably feel less like he owed you something and wouldn’t be here right now. You could be out there, hiding from running laps in the forest as usual. You realized you had been staring at the bottom of Levi's desk when Jean's voice snapped you back to the situation at hand.

"[f/n]?" He looked concerned, while Levi's expression looked impatient.

"I...I don’t know..." You said quietly. You just wanted this all to be over.

"What do mean you don’t fucking know?" Levi fumed. “You told me, actually TOLD me that touching you felt amazing!"

Your cheeks burned. Could this be any more mortifying?  Jean couldn’t look at you. Maybe he was trying to figure out why he was standing up for you in the first place. After all that happened, turning either of the guys into the "bad guy" would be wrong. Even though it was painful to say, you said it anyways.

"Yes. I did enjoy it. But Jean is right, I had said no, and you told me if I didn’t you would send me home..."

It took a second for him to register what you were talking about.

"No, [f/n], shit." He rested his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his black hair.

"When I asked if you wanted to stay, I meant with me, not in the military...fuck. Walls, I’m so sorry. I thought you understood...I...dammit!" He suddenly punched his desk, causing you to flinch.

He was so angry at himself. _So...he didn’t have double meaning? I’m so fucking dumb...._ Jean was speechless.

"How could I have not fucking seen that?! You looked so goddamn scared...I thought you were just nervous..."

 You couldn’t look up from the spot on the floor. How much could you possibly fuck up…?

"So..." Jean spoke up. "You didn’t mean to rape her...? Why all the bruises then?"

You cringed in anticipation, knowing Levi would answer. _Another embarrassing truth after another..._

"Some are hickies...and others are where I was holding her legs apart...when she was cumming..." Levi stated, far too seriously.

Rose, Sina, and Maria, help me. Jean was speechless, and fixed his gaze somewhere on Levi’s desk. _How did I fuck up this much?_ For once, you didn’t cry. You just stared blankly at the floor. You were just so stupid...in your panic you were so sure of what he meant...but you were so wrong. You seriously weren’t a victim of anything but your own stupidity. If you had just said "no" earlier, you wouldn’t be here. There were so many places you could have changed your current situation. But you fucked up in every chance you had. You lost your virginity when you really weren’t ready to someone you barely knew that is twice your age, and then proceeded to involve your crush of 4 years and every other guy in your trainee squad. _Good fucking work, [f/n]._

"I'm such a dumbass." You whispered.

Jean grabbed you by both shoulders "No, look at me [f/n]"  he stated firmly.

You couldn’t.

"You’re not an idiot, you were just confused. It’s not your fault...everything is okay...we aren’t even fighting, see?"

 But it _was_ your fault, it’s not okay and Levi wouldn’t look up from his desk. You wanted to sleep and never wake up. You wanted to go home…but where was that? Levi finally spoke up.

"You can take the day off if you want...stay anywhere you like. Do anything..." 

You shrugged away from Jean and walked out of the office the moment after hearing Levi’s dismissal. Jean followed you, but you couldn’t look at him.

"I’m sorry" you managed to choke out.

You felt a lump forming in my throat, as if you were about to cry. You had been doing that a lot lately.

"No." He said firmly. "Don’t tell me you’re sorry. You shouldn’t be. It was just a misunderstanding and..."

You lost it, and started bawling. You ran as many twists and turns through the Survey Corps HQ until you thought you lost him. You opened a random door, and to your slight fortune, no one was there. You locked the door behind you and sunk into one of the two twin beds.  You suffocated your tears into the pillow until you passed out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking forever to update, not a lot of free time these days.  
> [random] I just got yelled at in my favorite MMO for being terrible and they asked if I was high D: Agh, right in the irl feels! Lesson: be nice to the noob. :)  
> I'm a noob writer, so please be nice, I know this chapter could be considered controversial, but what i'm going for is to make this the most complicated situation in lemon fanfic history! There's a happy ending...but its a journey getting there c:  
> OH AND I would also like to say I DON'T think anything is "the reader"'s/ [f/n]'s fault whatever, i'm just trying to show the feelings of guilt that could arise from the situation, in case clarification was necessary~~


	6. "Oh Walls!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff levels over 9000.

        You woke up from some sort of nightmare to light raps on the door. You chose to ignore it and buryied your face into the soft embrace of white tear-stained pillows. Not only were you exhausted from a fitful sleep, but you just wanted to be left alone. You waited for the persistent knocking to stop, and the knocker to go away. Though you had an underlying fear it was someone who came to punish you, you weren't too worried. It was probably some poor sap Levi ordered to clean every room in the Survey Corps HQ, but you weren't in the mood to make his job any easier. The taps on the door ceased, and you almost smiled in relief. 

"It's Jean."

         You sighed, not quite sure if it was relief that you weren't in trouble, happiness that it was Jean, or disappointment it wasn't Levi. Your emotions were a wreck as is. Despite that, you pried your tired body from under the sheets and dragged yourself to the door. Upon opening it, you caught the scent of a beautiful aroma: potato soup and fresh bread, your favorite meal the army had to offer. Your stomach growled ferociously at the smell, yearning to be filled. Jean was standing in the doorway with a bowl in one hand and bread in the other, trying not to laugh at the strange noise your stomach just produced. 

"Hey." he managed to say over laughs.

A smile shown through your frown. "Hey." 

 His lightheartedness instantly elevated your mood, just slightly. You stepped aside to let him in, and locked it right behind him. He set the food on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed. He was in his full uniform and slightly sweaty; probably right back from afternoon training. 

"I figured since the last thing you ate was that apple last night you were probably hungry...and judging from _that_ I may just be right." He flashed a winning smile, one that just made you want to get a little closer. You plopped down next to him on the bed's edge, next to the bedside table.

"Thank you" You gave a weak but genuine smile, still very weighted down by the guilt of today's events. You took the bowl to you lap and spoon to your lips; closing your eyes and  losing yourself in the comforting taste Sasha got you hooked on. 

"I'm sorry for making things worse this morning..." He spoke up, sheepishly placing a hand on the back of his neck. 

You almost laughed in disbelief.   
" _You_ made things worse? I shouldn't have dragged you into this in the first place!"

 A stupid-but-adorable grin spread on his lips. "But I'm glad you did."

It's so easy to make you blush, isn't it? You weren't sure what to say; you were practically overjoyed he was even talking to you after years of crushing on him and training together, but was it for the right reasons? Was he only talking to you to see if he could sleep with you like you did with Levi? Doubt clouded your mind, but you did your best to pretend it wasn't even a possibility. Even though your head screamed to not let anyone close to you, your heart needed the comfort. And Jean was here, being sweet. _A hot boy brought me food and is being nice to me...I guess things could be worse._

Being embarrassed by his words, you averted your eyes. Although most of him was covered by the modest training corps uniform, you noticed little black-and-blue blotches dotting his tan skin and the small cut on his lip. You thought back to how he got them, and a new wave of guilt washed over you and dragged down the corners of your lips. You could clearly see in your mind Jean's eyes igniting with fiery rage as Levi whispered into his ear. What did he say to him? You searched for the right questions to ask, and the right answers to give.

After a moment of silence:  
"Jean...why are you doing all this?"

A slight blush warmed up his cheeks.   
"Because I like you."  
  
Oh no. The answer that tied your stomach in knots and sent butterflies through it at the same time. The answer that you hoped for and feared. Despite the fact that no one had ever confessed feelings for you before, which was already nerve wracking for your teenage self, you couldn't get it out of your mind that Jean didn't like you for the right reason. So before you confessed your feelings back, you had to ask another question to his answer.

"Why?"

 "Well..." He leaned back onto his hands, looking up to the ceiling and chuckling to himself.

"I'm not sure really. During training you came off really cold...I never saw you, and when I did, you didn't talk much. You were really distant from everyone but Sasha and Connie."

_Ohh...is that how I really come off as...?_

_"_ But you're not...you're really not. You're really sweet, nothing like I expected...and to top it off, you're adorable."

You smiled to yourself, pleased a little you were more than meets the eye.

"I mean, how could I resist the beautiful girl I saw last night, under the full moon in just a men's dress shirt." He intentionally made his voice emphasize how cheesy that just was. You couldn't help but giggle and shove him playfully in the shoulder.

He gently grabbed your small wrist, and your attention snapped to his face, which you noticed looked a bit more serious. You cocked your head in confusion. _What is he doing?_

"Even still...I think you're perfect in what you're wearing right now."

He was referring to his olive green T-shirt you were sporting, which currently was riding up and revealing a delicious amount of skin. But despite what he was saying, his eyes were fixed on yours, not your body. You liked that. You noticed how close your faces were...you could just about feel his hot breath kissing your cheeks. Your eyes instinctively sunk down to his lips. Both of you were leaning in to close the remaining space, meeting sweetly in the middle. You felt his hand slide slowly from your wrist to hold your hand, warm with your fingers intertwined.

Despite the overwhelming emotions filling your heart to the brim, you cut it short. Alone kissing a half-naked girl in a locked room; walls know how many hormones were flooding the poor boy's system right now! You allowed the breath you didn't realize you were holding pass through your tingling lips in the form of a low sigh. You let the pleasant silence hang in the air for a while.  Jean was absent-mindedly running his thumb across the back of your hand, bringing your attention to the still-holding hands that rested in between you. Jean broke the ice:

"Hey, I forgot to ask you something." 

Nerves tangled up in your stomach, a wave of anxiety washing over you. The serious tone in his voice made you worry.

"what?"

A mischievous grin broke his tight-lipped facade. 

You almost sighed in relief. Almost.

"Are you ticklish?"

 _Fuck._ It was worse than you thought. 

"No." you lied through your teeth.

"You wouldn't mind if I tested it then?"

You would have stopped him, but you were too slow, too late. Deft fingers collided with your sensitive sides, and forced your body back to the mattress, shuddering and shaking. Raw laughter erupted from your belly, encouraging him to kneel over you to get a better angle on you. Tears burst from your eyes as your legs thrashed uncontrollably, but never hitting their mark. You grabbed his wrists in a desperate attempt to pry him off, but only succeeding in exposing more of your sides for him to play with. You couldn't help in the slightest how you convulsed under him. You couldn't help the weird but platonic pleasure you were receiving from the strange and indescribable sensation that was teasing your poor sides and sending butterflies through your stomach. You couldn't take it anymore; it was overwhelming. You started begging him to stop, but it was so difficult to force it out through your shaking breath and uncontrollable giggles.

"Jean! Pleas-"

You gasped as he hit a certain spot just under your rib cage, sending a strong shudder through your body, legs flailing and all.

"Oh Walls!"   
Without context, what just came out of your mouth could easily be mistaken for a moan. What you said, how you said it...it was only natural to assume so.

So of course, at that very moment, you could hear the faint _click_ of the lock being picked and the squeak of the door being pushed wide open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER TO UPDATE AND IT BEING SO SHORT AND LAME T-T  
> Hope you like it though x)


	7. The Plan

_Fuck_

You both froze like deer in the headlights and whipped your heads to look over Jean's shoulder, where a certain potato girl was grinning ear to ear. Of course she could pick the lock. How many times has she broken into the kitchen to steal food?

The gears in your head were turning, the situation starting to click. Jean was practically on top of you, hands on your rib cage with one knee between your legs. Your frantic kicking resulted in your shirt to rise up to an embarrassing amount. Nothing Jean could really see, but a _wide_ open peek show for Sasha. Oh _walls._  This is worse than you thought. You and Jean scrambled apart, practically flying to opposite sides of the bed with burning red faces staring at the wooden floors. 

"Why _hello_ there soldiers!" Sasha sauntered into the room, holding a bag in one hand and twirling something around the other. She flung that something at you like a slingshot, landing perfectly in your lap. It was a fresh pair of your baby blue panties. You were too mortified to speak, or even look up from the undergarment in your lap. 

"What the hell, Sasha?" Jean snarled, clearly pissed she ruined all the fun.

She grinned, plopping in the space between you too as if it wasn't awkward in the slightest. "Corporal Levi's orders. So the rumors are true?"

"R-rumors?" You stuttered, heart pounding against your chest like a drum. You forgot what all the guy's saw this morning when Levi tried to make an example out of you and Jean. How had you been so naive to think rumors hadn't spread about what actually happened last night?

"Yeah! The guys were saying that you were in their barrack this morning when Levi came to wake them up in nothing but a T-shirt-" she gestured to you on her left "- and the only guy who stood up for you was Jean-" she gestured to him on her right "-and there was this huge fight between Jean and Levi where Jean-boy here was getting his ass kicked but then you threw a boot- a motherfucking _boot-_ at Levi and challenged him to fight you instead!" She was practically squealing. 

You hid your mortified face in hands that couldn't help but tremble slightly. Looking back on it, this morning seemed...surreal. Like some dream or distant memory. But no, it was just a couple hours ago. 

Sasha didn't even notice your despair, and continued with enthusiasm that could be matched by none other than Sasha herself. "I'm so proud of my girl!" she exclaimed, clapping and arm around your shoulders. "I didn't think you had it in you! Standing up for yourself, not to mention banging you long-time crush-"

You panicked and slammed both your hands over her mouth, but it was too late. Jean raised an eyebrow at you. "You have a crush on me?"

You felt a sadistic smile curl up against your palms.

"Uh-ummm..." You stammered. Your face burned like fire. He knew you liked him now; the question that he was really asking was _how long?_ You let go of Sasha's face and buried your face in your hands. This was just too embarrassing! 

Jean leaned forward and a little bit across Sasha, who was just barely containing her giggles. 

"[f/n]?" He inquired, a smile ringing in his voice. He couldn't help but be happy; Sasha just confirmed what he was dying to know and what you couldn't bring yourself to say out loud. 

"Wow, I thought it was obvious!" Sasha laughed, holding her belly. "I mean you guys already did sleep together." She said it as a fact, but it just felt like she was teasing you.

"Stop saying that!" You whined into your palms. Even though it hadn't actually happened, the very thought of everyone believing the rumor made you humiliated beyond belief.

"You guys did, right?" Sasha questioned, looking to both of you for confirmation.

You peeked through your fingers and met amber eyes that were waiting for you to make your move. You couldn't tell the truth about Levi to someone as loud-mouthed as Sasha. You wouldn't allow his position be put at risk...or else you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. You held Jean's gaze a moment before taking a nervous breath.

"Yeah." You squeaked in voice that made you seem half your size.  "I slept with Jean." Your throat tightened up. You didn't want to lie. The truth was even worse...this is why you just preferred secrecy. 

You gasped in surprise as Sasha glomped you, the breath knocking out of you as you hit the mattress. 

"So," She whispered slyly into your ear. "How was he?"

"Sasha! He's right here!" You cried and scrambled free of her grasp. Your cheeks were branded a deep shade of red. Jean was on his own corner of the bed laughing his ass off. You picked up the bag that Sasha brought in and chucked it at his face. He blocked it with his arm, and tried to contain himself. The bag hit the ground and its contents spilled across the floor: your uniform.

"Sasha! Why the hell didn't you tell me you had my clothes with you?!" You whined with a pout.

Jean got up and picked them up off the floor before you could protest, and offered them to you with a smile. 

You snatched them out of his hands and clutched them to your chest, as if that was the part of you exposed. Even though you were decently covered, you felt naked.

"Can you guys leave so I can change..?" 

"Sure thing!" Sasha grinned, popping up and sashaying to the door. 

Jean was getting up to go, but you tugged on his sleeve. "Can you stay for a second...?" Your voice was hushed and your eyes lowered to the sheets. 

Sasha catcalled you in the doorway and closed the door behind her with a wink. Your face burned and negative thoughts battered your skull. You liked Jean...but did he like you... for  _you?_ Did he hope that since you fucked Levi you'd do it with him too? You could never be sure with teenage boys. As much as you wanted to trust his intentions...you just couldn't. Did he think you were just some slut, or something more?

"What's up?" He asked, sitting back down next to you and ignoring Sasha's mischief.

You tried to swallow the knot forming in your throat so you could clear way for the words, but you didn't have the courage to ask what was truly on your mind. "Everyone's going to think I'm a whore..." You sniffed, trying your best to hold back the tears that were burning your eyes. 

Jean gripped your hand and sighed. He didn't really know what to say. Neither did you.

But then an idea hit you. It wouldn't solve the problem, but it would at least alleviate your humiliation a bit.

"Here's the plan." You looked up to Jean with a sly smile. Jean raised an eyebrow.

"We are going to fake date."

He gave you a mischievous smile. 

"On one condition."

You cocked your head. "What?"

"Lots of PDA," he laughed.

"Deal."

 

 

 


	8. Pretending

Jean's grin faded as a thought came to mind. "You know...Levi's kind of a wreck right now. He won't let anyone into his office...maybe you should go talk to him?" The words were bitter in his mouth. He didn't want you to have anything to do with Levi anymore, but even he knew it was best for you both to end this situation on a better note. After all, how was the corporal supposed to do his job and fight when he wasn't...in the best state of mind?

"Right," you nodded. Inevitable pangs of guilt struck you as the memories of earlier events darkened the mood. It worried you that Levi was bothered by this. The unbreakable, stoic...humanity's strongest soldier was upset...over you. You had to make this right. For you, and for the dwindling remains of the human race. "I'll go see him after I put my uniform on."  


Jean nodded but didn't move, but he was looking at you intently, as if he had something to say.    


"What? Really, get out. I have to change." You were pushing him out the door, but then he caught himself on the door frame.  


"R-right...hey! Come to dinner afterwards. Connie's dying to see you and wouldn't stop bugging me to know what was up."

You sighed. "Fine, fine...see you then." You made a final push and he was out, the door slamming swiftly behind him. Taking a deep breath, you thought about the consequences of your promise. All the trainees were going to know by now. You prayed they wouldn't stare or ask questions, but you knew in your heart it was an unrealistic wish.

You waited for Jean's footsteps to fade away before you stuffed yourself in your uniform. How were you going to make things right with Levi?  _Could_ you do anything to make things right with Levi? Even though you had no idea what could make this situation any better, you had to try.

You walked to Levi's office on autopilot, refusing to think what could go wrong or right. You found yourself standing before the heavy wooden door labeled with his name. You  took a deep breath before knocking lightly. The response was delayed a few seconds. You realized you were holding your breath.

"State your name and purpose."

"Cadet [l/n]...to talk."

You hear the squeak of him lifting himself from a chair and the clack of his boots against the hardwood. The door opened, and Levi was looking up at you, face stoic as ever, although something seemed off. His eyes were bit puffy and his signature cravat was missing. He wasn't looking at you, but a little to the right. He couldn't make eye contact.   


"Cadet...everything is fine. I take full responsibility for this misunderstanding and I apologize for what I did to you. I should have been more clear. I crossed the line between a trainee and corporal's relationship. I am...very sorry I took advantage of you. I imagine you must despise seeing me and I will see to it you will never have to again -"  
  
You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him to your chest. You expected him to push you away or protest, but the way you felt his muscles tense and slowly relax reflected you caught him off-guard. "Are you done yet?" you said blandly. You just couldn't take his formality, the way he was trying to make this matter impersonal. It  _was_  personal. By the way he treated you, you could feel he wanted to keep it personal too. He was trying to make you feel like he was at fault to make you feel better. But you were both at fault for this misunderstanding; you shared the blame. And despite what Jean felt, you didn't feel regret. 

He sighed against your chest. "Yes. Now let me go." He did not struggle, and his arms hung loosely by his sides.

"Not until this is okay, not until I get to tell you how I feel."

"...tch."  


"Even if it was a mistake...I don't regret it. At all. I'm glad I had my first time with you. You don't have to apologize for anything and I...like you. I don't want to not see you ever just because of last night. So just...just don't feel bad. Please." You let go and smiled warmly, and the formality melted away. 

"... thank you for that," he said softly. A light blush invaded his pale cheeks, but his eyes were locked on yours. He cleared his throat, power returning to his voice. "If you ever need anything, I will be there. Whether it be help with training or anything else. I want to make sure you do well here and survive...I do care for you."

A slight smile crept to your lips with those last words. "Sure thing." Maybe finally now things could start getting better, simpler. Things were looking up.

You glanced at a clock on Levi's wall. It was almost dinner time. "I better go...I need to make it to dinner, I don't want to miss anything else."  


He nodded.  

"Goodbye," you say as you turn towards the mess hall. Without thinking, you stop and turn back to him. You gently hold his left cheek in your hand and softly press your lips to his right. With that, you quickly turn on your heel and start waking. A heavy blush crept to your cheeks, and you were far too embarrassed to see his reaction. In your peripheral vision you could see his right hand slowly lift to his cheek.

Your anxiety prevented you from keeping a steady pace as you made your way to the mess hall. You tried to quiet your roaring insecurities with the fact that even if most of the cadets laugh at you, Sasha, Connie, Jean, and even Levi would stay by your side. And that was more than enough. You braced yourself with these reassuring thoughts as you pushed open the double doors of the mess hall. The hushed whispers replaced the usual ruckus as you took your first step inside.

You struggled to hold your head high as you walked toward your usual seat next to Sasha and Connie. But you couldn't help yourself from taking note of the reactions to your arrival. Ymir glanced at you neutrally, but was more concerned with what light-hearted Christa was talking about. Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt seemed to completely ignore your existence, except for a nervous glimpse from Bertholdt. What hurt the most was how your childhood friends, the Shiganshina trio, reacted. Eren glared at you from the corner of his eyes. Armin briefly looked at you before fixing his gaze on the table, too embarrassed to even look at you. Mikasa openly stared, a steely rage bubbling under her calm demeanor. Her gaze was cruel, and demanded you keep your distance, as if any contact from you would infect Eren's remaining innocence. 

Your eyes dropped to the ground, and you quickly shuffled to your usual seat. To your surprise, it was not just Sasha and Connie who warmly greeted you. Jean was there too, saving you a spot right next to him. Their kind smiles almost made you forget the tense situation. You plopped down on the bench next to Jean, and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. It was a surprise, but you wouldn't turn down any kind of comfort anyone was kind enough to give.  _Lots of PDA_ you remembered. You kissed him on the cheek and leaned your head on his shoulder.

"How're you holding up?" asked Sasha brightly. 

"I'm fine, although I could do without the death glares," you laugh dryly. 

"Glad to have you back," Connie chimed.

You closed your eyes briefly, taking in the scent of mediocre food and the sound of both excited chatter and hushed voices. You couldn't shake the thought that true and untrue rumors were blossoming all around you. It was suffocating.

You sat up with a start and attempted to start a conversation to keep your mind off the unknowns and possibilities of gossip. Best to ignore it and wait for it to subside. 

"So what'd I miss today anyway?" 

Sasha groaned loudly. "We had to run _soooo_ many laps around the forest! I swear, I almost died. Levi must've been piiiissed about the whole thing with you and Jea-" Jean kicked Sasha under the table. "Ow!! What the...oh." 

She noticed your gaze sunk to the table. Jean squeezed your shoulder encouragingly.  

Connie broke the brief silence. "Hey, I've got an idea! You should come to the party tomorrow night. It'll cheer you up a bit."

You cocked your head slightly. "What party?"

Jean looked puzzled. "The one every other weekend in the boy's barracks. I mean I don't think you've ever been but I figured Sasha or Connie would've told you... they go every time. You seriously didn't know...?"

"No..." Your voice was small. 

"I didn't really want her to know she was missing out on something...she always was so tired and sleeps every chance she gets! Why tell if there was no way she could stay awake for it?" Sasha explained. "Sorry." she shrugged.

Jean looked at you questioningly. He knew you weren't pushing yourself in training and you had no reason to be tired. You could tell he wanted to ask what was going on, but was going to wait until later. 

You squirmed uncomfortably in your seat. You weren't sleeping then. You just wanted a chance to be alone, to be able think of new strategies of hiding your physical weaknesses. But most of the time, even though it probably wasn't the most healthy thing to do, you daydreamed about being somewhere else. Sometimes you imagined the titans never broke through the wall, and you were living blissfully with your family. Your very surroundings were a grim reminder this was entirely false, but it was just so nice to pretend. It was your own weird little way of comforting yourself. Times were tough and you were not. A few tears escaped your eyes. Combined with the shame of your situation, this was getting to hard to handle. You quickly swiped the tears from your cheeks and jumped up, starting towards the door. Jean grabbed your wrist, and was clearly confused by your behavior. "[f/n]?"

You yanked your hand away and kept going. You held your breath and didn't want to risk speaking, as if if you let out a few words of explanation, the sobs would be let out with it. You kept your eyes fixed on the floor and pushed your way out the door without making eye contact with anyone. You covered your mouth and ran to the back of the building before letting out your first sob. You leaned against the wooden exterior of the mess hall and sunk to the floor, burying your face in your knees. You felt so stupid always playing pretend. Pretending you had what it took to be a soldier, pretending you weren't scared of death, pretending your family was still alive, pretending Jean was your boyfriend and pretending you had no feelings for Levi. Pretending, pretending, pretending. With each sob that racked through you, a truth dawned on you. You were not strong enough to be a soldier. You were terrified of death. Your family was murdered by the titans right before your eyes and you remembered every detail. Your nails dug into your hands and knees as the scene replayed over in your mind:

 _Your mother was lifted from the kitchen window by the hand of a slender titan with a grotesque smile across its face. Piercing screams were silenced by the snap of the titans teeth. Blood splattered surreally across the cobblestones and your former home. Your brother, a member of the Garrison, swooped in with his 3DMG, his eyes full of rage and not a trace of fear. A_ second _later, those same eyes were empty. Another titan grabbed the wire of his 3DMG and sent him crashing to the ground. His spine broke upon impact, his body contorted into the most unnatural and horrifying position. What was once your brother was now a grotesque splatter of broken bones and bloody flesh staining the road. Fear and panic rose in your system and-_

The sound of boots on the soft ground forced your attention back to the present. You refused to look up and ignored the intruder, embarrassed by your surely puffy and tear streaked face . You were startled by a strong arm gently wrapping itself around your shaking shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support guys! u_u I'm so sorry for not updating sooner :c Very busy, very tired, and sometimes very depressed! But I will keep updating, even if it takes a while (hopefully not anymore) so please bear with me!  
> On another note, like 6 of my friends have read this fic, including boys. Most really like it, and one was so disturbed he said I ruined snk for him and that he cant think of Levi without thinking of him as a rapist cx (But I truly enjoy writing this so I don't really care ^-^')  
> Also, question: My friend's suggested that I ask my readers whether they believe I am a virgin or not. I don't know, they think it'll be amusing what you think. So please, leave your thoughts on my fic and...that...[cringes] below!  
> Thank you for staying with me and check out that new snk OVA that came out today :x [ I still haven't >_


	9. Colors

Moments of silence felt like an eternity.  You struggled to muster the courage to identify who it was that was comforting you, although deep down, you knew.  _If you ever need anything, I will be there. Whether it be help with training or anything else._ Levi. Your eyes lift cautiously from your knees to take a peek and confirm your suspicions.  

A very uncomfortable looking Levi was sitting next to you, his gaze fixed straight ahead. He was like you; he had no clue how to comfort someone, although you did appreciate his attempts. Even though the crying had died down, you failed to stifle your sniffles and felt like a mess. You were not one of those cute girls who made crying look like a form of art. No, you felt disgusting, with a hot splotchy face and snot threatening to run. You lifted your sleeve to your face to wipe away the tears and mucus, but your arm was abruptly yanked away. 

"What?" You choked out pitifully. 

Levi wordlessly extended a hand offering a handkerchief. 

"Oh. Thanks." You graciously accepted his kindness. Although, being the neat freak he is, he probably just thinks you're gross. You were shocked he was even sitting on the ground with you, which risked dirtying his spotless uniform.

Another long period of silence was broken by the sounds of the other cadets returning to their barracks. You prayed no one came to look for you and found you like this.  Even though he wasn't saying anything, just Levi's presence was comforting enough. The lack of words let in the consideration of the simpler things. His weight against yours reassured you someone was there for you, which was all you needed. Soon your traces of crying subsided; your breathing returned to normal and your eyes dried. You noticed fireflies flit though tall grass before you, illuminating briefly before returning to the mask of the dark. The forest started a bit further, blocking your view of the sun's descent. Despite that, you both could still enjoy its art. Just as the sun was about to fade completely, its radiance painted the sky with a magnificent array of pinks, purples and oranges. It was breathtaking, but then it was gone. 

Minutes passed and the darkness fell. Stars were just starting to peek out from the sky. It must have been at the least a half hour since you escaped the mess hall. Chirps of crickets permeated the calm air. 

"So, what's the matter?" He broke in gruffly. 

You took a moment to contemplate the question. Everything suddenly felt more complicated...what  _was_ the matter?

"Everything feels like it just...hit." you settled on.  And it was true. It just seemed to fully click what a truly awful situation you were in. Your family was dead, you were a child soldier, and you would soon die because of your negligence of your training. Your encounters with Levi and Jean and their consequences were the last straw that broke the camel's back and the dam holding your emotions. You sighed deeply. 

He nodded in understanding. "We've all been through it, but it usually happens sooner rather than later...its kind of a surprise you lasted this long."

You weren't sure if this was a good or bad thing. Your face sunk back to your knees as you played with his handkerchief absentmindedly. You weren't really sure where this conversation was going, but you had one thought on your mind: death. Your's in particular. You wondered when your first recon mission would be. Your throat tightened at the thought of it. How the hell could you keep up with soldiers who trained for the fight? Sure, you aced all written tests in the academic portion of your training but...in real life? You would just be bait. You imagined what it would feel like to be eaten, teeth mercilessly ripping through your flesh. You squeezed your knees tighter with an oncoming wave of dread. But you didn't have the strength to cry anymore. You felt empty, exhausted.

You lifted your head and rested it on his shoulder. You could feel his muscles stiffen and slowly relax. One thought refused to leave your mind.  _I don't want to die._  You released a breath you didn't realize you were holding. 

 "Thanks." You finally said.

"For what? I just sat here." He mumbled.

"For just that," you murmured, a slight smile bubbling to your lips. Like how a negative times a negative equals a positive, you couldn't hold your sorrow when he was being all grumpy like that. For some strange reason, it just made you smile. You let your heavy eyes close; you were both emotionally and physically drained. You briefly appreciated his body heat warming your side against the chilly autumn air. 

"I better get back to the barracks before curfew," you yawned and stood up shakily. 

"Actually," Levi said, pushing up his sleeve and checking his watch, "It's already past curfew for cadets."

 _"Fuck,"_ you groaned.  Although you were feeling better, the dread and stress had not disappeared, but were lying just under the surface and pushing towards your breaking point. You ran your fingers nervously through your hair. How the hell were you going to slip back in without more questions being asked? 

Levi stood up next to you, sensing your dilemma. "Come stay with me tonight."

"Wait...what....?!" You cried, a thick blush blossoming on your cheeks.

"I'm going to keep an eye on you so you can't do anything stupid."

Did he think you were going to kill yourself or something? You shuddered at the stories you heard coming into basic training. Cadets _had_ killed themselves even before going on their first mission in fear of a more gruesome death by the teeth of the titans. So his concerns did have an actual foundation.

You swallowed nervously. Was  _something_ going to happen between you two? Your face was hot with teenage thoughts and hormones. Was it his intent to get you in his bed or were you reading to much into it and he was just being courteous? 

"Don't worry, I'm not going to _do_ anything," he sighed, clearly annoyed.

"But-"

He was losing his patience. "That's an order," he growled.

"Yes sir," you submissively responded out of habit.

"Tch." The corners of his lips curved slightly at your obedient blunder.

You muttered an apology, remembering his distaste for formalities.

"Well then, let's get going. I have work to finish and you seem tired." Before you could protest, he grabbed your wrist and tugged you behind him towards his office. You _were_ tired and kind of out of it, so you didn't really mind him taking the lead and dragging you along. Before you knew it, he was opening the heavy wooden door to his office and holding the door for you to come inside. 

"You can go to bed now, I still have work to finish," he said, gesturing to a stack of paperwork on his desk. You yawned and rubbed your eyes. Levi's grey eyes widened a little and averted their gaze, a pale blush spreading on his cheeks.

"What?"

"Nothing, go to bed," he ordered, turning towards his work. "I'll come in later, do not stay up for me."

You didn't have to be told twice. Your feet dragged your body to the door to his bedroom, and you decided to leave the door cracked slightly. In all honesty, you were still a little afraid of the dark and you liked the lamp from his office to illuminate a little of the room. 

Far from gracefully, you stripped yourself of all your clothes, save your button up uniform shirt and panties. It wasn't like he hadn't seen you naked before and he wouldn't be seeing anything new, so you didn't really mind if he saw. Even though you were falling asleep, you attempted to fold your clothes and leave them on a chair to respect his extremely neat habits. You stood your boots next to the chair. The last thing you wanted to do when he was being so kind to you was to annoy him by disrespecting his space. Finally, you slipped under his thick white comforter and let the sounds of shuffling papers and pen marks lull you into a deep sleep. 


	10. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stay the night, and find out why.

"[f/n]! Wake the fuck up!"

You woke with a start to Levi's aggravated whispers and your shoulder being gently shaken. You found yourself rolled onto your side, nails digging into Levi's bare arm and your face buried between that arm and the sheets. You released your death grip and sat up in a pool of cold sweat. He followed, sitting up next to you. 

"Sorry," you mumbled, resting your head on your knees. Your jaws and teeth ached from being clenched for so long. 

The nightmare played over in your head like a distorted record.

 _You were walking down a seemingly endless road in your hometown, Shinganshina. The grey cobblestones under your feet were splattered with the blood of everyone you used to know or see. There was so much blood in this hell that it reflected its putrid but familiar color to the sky. Gradually, blood began to turn to corpses. This time, they were the bodies of your comrades. Sasha...Connie...Eren...Mikasa...Armin...You counted the bodies of the entire 104th Survey Corps littered one by one along this endless road. Horrified, you tore your eyes from the sides the path to focus on the task ahead of you._ Just one foot in front of the other  _you kept telling yourself. Grabbing your sides for comfort, you noticed you were quite visibly shaking. Fear was nipping at the edges of your brain and paralyzing you from thinking past the basics._ Breath. Eyes down. Walk. Breath. Eyes down. Walk. Brea-  _a body slammed right before your feet into the hard cobblestones._

 _The sheer force of the collision knocked you onto your ass. Fresh blood sprayed you from head to toe, drenching you in its disgusting warmth. In a panic, you hurriedly wiped the dripping blood from your eyes. Your heart raced as time slowed. You saw the two toned gold and brown hair first, then the blood staining it. Blood staining everything. The survey corps uniform, the ground, you... his face was broken against the ground. Bones stuck out grotesquely and bent in ways beyond unnatural.  Jean's mangled corpse was just inches from your feet. Too terrified to get up, you scooted back on your ass as quickly as your shocked hands could take you. Burning tears ripped from your eyes, blurring your vision._ It couldn't be... _the screech of 3DMG being crushed tore you from your trance and commanded your eyes to lift._

 _A titan was smiling grotesquely at his prey, which was secured tightly in his fist. You heard grunts of pain, jaws clenched so tight and too stubborn to scream. But a human body can only last so long under pressure, even if the body belonged to humanity's strongest soldier. Levi passed out from the excruciating pain and went limp in the titan's grip. The titan's grin seemed to widen even more. You watched in horror as the smiling titan lifted him like a rag doll above his open grin. A scream was caught in your throat; your body was too frozen to carry through. His huge fingers let go, and just like that, every last one of your friends and family were gone. That was it. But without them, what were you? What were you even fighting for, if not your family and friends? The titan lowered its hand to the ground and opened its palm invitingly. The smile seemed almost welcoming as it beckoned you to your feet. It seemed like such a simple task to end it all. One foot after the other, you walked to your death. You were in its fist now._ There's nothing left to do now,  _you thought hopelessly as you were lifted to the titan's lips. Mouth opened wide, you couldn't see anything. It was a black hole into nothingness. It was your destiny._

You tried your hardest to compose yourself and calm your ragged breathing.  As your eyes adjusted to the dark, you could faintly make out he was shirtless, with his hair tussled into a bedhead.

He sighed. "Nightmare?"

Even though it was embarrassing, you wanted this off your chest. So you tried your best to explain it to him. Every detail from the cobblestones to your suicide. He was quiet, listening intently and never taking his steel grey eyes off of you.

"But I don't want to die," you finished with a whisper. You felt tears threaten to spill over and leak onto your cheeks.

He was silent for a moment before reacting. "I can't just sit here and tell you that nightmare is impossible and you're safe. The fact of the matter is, titans are our enemy and can kill anyone...even me. No one can escape death. We are soldiers. Upon signing up for basic training, these risks are understood and accepted. What I can tell you is that even with that possibility, you can't just give up and surrender to those silly looking fucks. Even if every one of us is killed, you have to keep fighting...so many have already made the ultimate sacrifice in the struggle to protect humanity. Giving up just affirms their deaths were in vain, and I can't allow that to happen from any single soldier. Promise me you'll live on and validate their sacrifices, even if it's without the rest of us."  
  
You took a deep breath and released it slowly. He had put meaning behind your suffering. Why would you fight? For everyone else who was still fighting and those who died trying. You wouldn't allow all those brave soldiers to die in vain. 

"Out loud. I want to hear it."  
  
"I...I promise," you said softly.  
  
"To do what?"

"I promise to carry out my duty as a soldier despite my emotions or situation. I'll do my best. "

"Good."

You felt the responsibility weigh on your shoulders. You tightened your grip on your knees and allowed the tears to stream down your cheeks. This was rough... even if you did have a reason to fight it didn't loosen the grip that fear had on your chest. You sniffled a little.  _I'm such a gddamn crybaby."_

"Tch...well right  _now_ you're safe. You don't need to worry right  _now_. Get your rest and focus your fear on your training tomorrow."

You glanced your wide, wet eyes at him. "I'm sorry."

"What the hell for?" He seemed agitated. 

"For waking you up; you shouldn't have to deal with this. It's not your problem."

He let out a long sigh. "I invited you to stay with me for a reason, dumbass. I had a feeling this sort of thing was going to happen. I made you my problem, and you have no reason to apologize. Go back to sleep."

He lied back down, resting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. You laid back down and rested your weary head on his bare chest, snuggling into him. You heard an awkward noise escape from him from the sudden affection, but soon his arm was wrapped around you, hugging your shoulders. With a sly smile, y`ou gingerly kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."`

You could feel his skin heat up against your cheek.

"Whatever. Go to sleep."

"Yes sir," you whispered while nudging yourself into a comfortable position. You allowed your eyelids to fall and and your muscles to relax. It didn't take long for his slow and easy breaths to lull you back into a peaceful, dreamess sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long u,u I hope you like it! ;u;  
> Smut promised for next chapter and is actully already written, just got to post it to ao3 when I get a chance.


	11. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader decides to explore a little.

Ngh...

Grey light of the early morning was barely fingering its way through the scarlet drapes, just enough to rouse you from your deep slumber. You realize your lips are parted ever so slightly, allowing a thin trail of saliva to snake its way from the corner of your mouth to Levi's chest. O _h shit, ive been drooling on him?!_  you panic a little bit, before you noticed something _else_ that really made you worry.

Your eyes traced down to where your left leg hooked between his, and up to the tent he was popping in the blankets. _Did I do that...?_ Did he really just get turned on by you _sleeping_  on him or was it just morning wood? Who knows, but whatever it was it sparked your curiosity. Whether it be the lack of sufficient sleep, emotional issues or whatever, you had a sudden interest in what he would taste like. Also, it gave you an idea as how to thank him for everything he's done for you over the past couple days.

You carefully pulled his slack arm off of your shoulders and untangled your leg from his, pulling yourself up to a kneeling position. In the dim light, you could just make out where the blanket came up to on his body. You cautiously slipped it back to his legs and set to work on his underwear. You tried your best to pull it over his "little soldier" without waking him. You glanced back up at his face. His features were relaxed, breaths deep and steady. He must still be sleeping. Heat crept on to your cheeks as you imagine how mortified you would be if he woke up. With a heavy blush on your cheeks, you quickly dismissed the thought and went back to the dick...er, task, in front of you. _oh walls..._  you panicked. This was another one of those things you didn't know how to do. How mortified would you be if he woke up _and_ hated it?! But you were determined to give this little thank you. You cautiously brought your face near, and looked back up to Levi. You smiled to yourself. He was still fast asleep.

You took your first lick, just a small taste, of his head. You kind of liked that taste...licked up the side of his cock with your warm tongue, exploring him with your sense of taste and touch. You made your way up his shaft, and when you reached the top, wrapped your soft pink lips around his throbbing member. You swirled your tongue around his head, and bobbed your head on his dick. Through your best efforts, you couldn't get his cock as far down your throat as you hoped. You wrapped a small hand around the base of his cock and pumped it, meeting your lips in the middle each time you bobbed down. Your tongue continued to run along the underside of his shaft, and you savored the taste.

Your ears perked up when you hear a small groan escape the sleeping Levi's lips, encouraging you to go faster, deeper. You really did want to make him feel good... a hand snaked through your hair, startling you, and held it in a makeshift ponytail by flipping it over his wrist and away from your face. You turned scarlet. He was definitely awake. Was he going to be mad? Did he want you to stop? You were answered with a slight moan and a small pressure from his hand, pushing his cock further down your throat. You increased your speed and the pressure of your hand, and soon felt his cock twitch between your soft lips. He was going to cum. Levi stopped applying pressure to the back of your head, maybe as a chance for you to not have to swallow. But you wanted to try...ropes of hot cum squirted into your thirsty mouth. It was a bit salty, but you liked the taste. You swallowed, and licked up what you missed off of his dick.

You sat up and met his gaze with a pink blush on your face. He had a kind of dumb smile on, and he was panting slightly from the arousal. You spoke up first, embarrassed but wanting answers.

"When did you wake up?" You asked, trying your best and failing miserably to appear peeved.

His stupid smirk widened.

"I woke up before you did."

Oh my walls. He did _not_.

"W-what?! " was all you could stutter in response.

There was no way. His face straightened out from your obvious flusteredness, in an attempt to give you a break.

"Why didn't you stop me!" you cried.

"Why would I? You seemed to be enjoying yourself."

Your jaw dropped slightly and you buried your face in your hands. "Did not..." you mumbled pathetically.  _I'm so fucking stupid._

"[f/n], it's fine. Honestly, I really liked it. Nothing to be ashamed of."

You slowly raised your head from your hands, and met his eyes.

"You've got a little..." He pointed to the corner of his mouth. You wiped the mirroring area of your face with a brush of your hand, and almost instinctively licked your fingers clean of the delicious remains of the sticky substance.

He raised an eyebrow and watched you with amusement. You had just inadvertently licked his cum off your hand, right in front of him. You classy dame you. _I'm so fucking nasty,_  you think as your face heats to the color of scarlet. Then you thought of something even more awkward.

"Sir...?"

"Hmm?"

"If you woke up earlier than me...then why did you let me drool on you...?" As a clean freak, it seemed natural that he would freak out.

"I wanted to see what you would do next."

"what?!" You were mortified. "so you thought I was going to do that?!"

"No, actually, I was more curious as to see how you would react. And if you need clarification, that was morning wood, I didn't get that from you sleeping next to me. "

He really just loved to see you squirm, didn't he?

"So, why did you do it?" He asked straightforwardly.

"I don't know...I was curious..." You mumbled, barely audible.

"Speak up."

Sadistic fucker.

"I was curious...and it was kind of a thank you for everything..."

"You didn't need to do that." he said sternly. 

"I know..." There was an awkward pause before he asked his next question.

"Was that your first?"

Oh walls. Was it _that_  bad?

"Yes..."

"Not bad...it felt really good."

"You taste really good," you blurted, and almost instantly slamming two hands over your mouth. What a freudian slip...

He was trying so hard not to laugh at your awkwardness... then his lips placed themselves back into a set line, he asked an unexpected question.

"Do you want me to return the favor?"

Such a simple question, but in the haze of sleepiness and arousal it took you a moment to process. The obvious answer was yes; there was no denying you were turned on from giving him a blow job.

But the right answer was no. This was partially meant to be some sort of thank you, and you don't ask for something in return for your token of gratitude, do you?

Just as the "no" began to form on your lips, a deep yawn erupted from within you. Well, you guessed that answered his question. You collapsed face-first into a thick white pillow, allowing the air to seep from your lungs. You took in small breaths from your nose, taking in a scent much like mens' cologne. You absently debate which you like more: the smell of barns or cologne. One was new and enticing, the other familiar and welcoming. You drifted off contemplating this seemingly simple question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not qualified to write this ;~;


	12. Get Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [f/n] is determined to make a change.

_Uuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnhh..._ you groan as you wake up to the soft thud of a heavy door closing.  
  
Did Levi really think he could sneak out without you noticing? Not that it mattered; it wasn't his job to babysit you. Even if that was exactly what you felt like he was doing lately. 

Luckily, since you were soon to take your final examination to pass and graduate from the training corps, both academic and physical classes (3DMG and hand-to-hand combat) were completed, so all you had left on your schedule was the daily physical conditioning. This time, you were determined to make the little time you had left really count and improve, no matter the consequences. 

You scanned the room for a clock. _Four-thirty AM?!_ What the fuck? Why was Levi leaving so early? Probably has to do corporal-ly things...

         You forced yourself to stop thinking about him and his whereabouts. It was none of your business what he did. He's _Lance Corporal_ Levi, right? He probably had to do something important. Either way, you still had 30 minutes before the morning run and exercises. You had plenty of time to put on your uniform and make it back to your bunk. The tricky part would be making sure no one caught you leaving Levi's quarters. Even though you didn't think any of your peers would be snooping around in these parts at this time of night, you were certain that if anyone caught you, the rumors would spread across the military like wildfire. It wouldn't just be your ass on the line, but Levi's as well. Actually, you felt he had much more to lose than you. 

As you stuffed yourself into your uniform, a piece of stationary separated from the other neat stacks on Levi's desk caught your eye. You slipped into the office to investigate. To your surprise, it was a note addressed to you.

_[f/n],_

_I have decided to personally train you to use your 3D-maneuver gear. Go to the edge of the forest on the south side of camp after conditioning to begin lesson one. I have arranged it so that even if you were not convinced to take your training seriously and decide to skip out, Jean will push you until you drop. Do not waste our time._  
_\- Levi_

        The pressure was on and you were nervous as hell. Your 3DMG skill wasn't to shabby for a _cadet,_ but the corporal was going to rip your technique to shreds. Even if it was for the best and would most likely increase your chances for survival, you liked taking solace in the idea you were good at something for once. Jean, on the other hand, was more likely to be too soft and encourage you rather than "push you until you drop" (which, for the record, wasn't hard to accomplish). You sighed and anxiously headed out to your bunk while constantly scanning your surroundings to confirm you were in fact alone. Being fully conscious this time around, you had no trouble finding the women's barrack, and your bunk. You took off your boots before entering to ensure you were as quiet as possible in your best effort not to wake a single soul. You slipped under the covers of your bunk, silently congratulating yourself for completing your task without a hitch. 

         Fortunately, you had gone to bed pretty early last night and had slept like a baby for the last portion of it. It was much better compared to most nights, in which you were too anxious to sleep properly. Perhaps it really was the constant deceiving and compromising of your own future that kept you up at night. You were constantly worried...Were you going to get caught skipping training the next day? Would someone rat you out? Would you be kicked out? Even if you weren't consciously thinking of it, you always on edge and  felt like you were threatened. Looking back on it, it was no wonder you rarely slept through the night. You were never doing anything but biding your time, knowing your imminent doom was lurking just around the corner; your fate sealed in a titan's mouth.

But now was different. 

          Even if you didn't realize it the night before, Levi's words, although harsh, motivated you to make the decision to fight with your all. It was time to get serious. Though you didn't have much time left, Levi and Jean were giving you an opportunity to start over and train seriously with a new attitude, and you were not about to waste it. You were determined to survive and live on to protect your friends and what was left of humanity. Your life...their protection...it was in  _your_  hands. And although it might have been wrong, a small flicker of hope had ignited in your heart. You felt as though, just maybe, you could pull it off. 

* * *

 

 About a half an hour later, Hanji burst into the room as her usual freaky self, practically belting out her love of titans. Girls began groggily raising from their beds along with you, minus Krista, who seemed as much of a cheery morning bird as always. Sasha of course was still snoring next to you, and as part of the routine, you shook her awake. She groaned and started rubbing her eyes.

"Where the hell were you?" She yawned. 

You froze. "I...uh...was feeling a bit sick after dinner and ended up staying a good portion of the night at the infirmary." Yeah, good one.

"Excuses, excuses," she said playfully as she slipped out of bed.

You sighed as you slipped the harness over your torso and carefully began buckling. This thing was a pain in the ass no matter how many times you put it on. 

 Her big brown eyes narrowed in confusion. "You're still in your clothes?"

"She was probably just banging horseface again," Ymir teased from a few bunks down. You caught Mikasa narrowing her eyes in your direction.

Your cheeks burned. "When I got back from the infirmary I was pretty beat so I just crawled into bed..."

But Ymir was already distracted by something cute Krista was doing and your words never reached her. 

Sasha cupped a hand on your shoulder. You turned, hoping for some back-up.

"It's okay [f/n], we're teenagers and we've all got our needs..." her face cracked into a cheesy smile.

Your jaw dropped in indignation and the burn on your cheeks ignited into a fire. 

"Sasha I wasn't..." you trailed off. By the look on her face you could tell nothing you could say was going to convince her otherwise. 

"One minute!" Hanji called from the opposite side of the barrack.

Fuck. You concentrated on buckling the leather straps around your legs. Today was going to be one hell of a day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry for being so hella late ^^; I just made a tumblr and it's hard to concentrate on anything XD Hope you enjoyed this micro-chapter. I /will/ finish this fic so please keep checking!


	13. End of the Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader exercises *gasp* and tries to make up her mind.

_In. Out. In. Out._ you breathe. The rest of your squad was well past the mile mark on the five mile trail, while you were just wheezing past the half mile. 

You had already fallen far behind the pack of runners ahead of you. Reiner and (of course) Jean lagged behind to encourage you and Armin to keep on moving. In truth, you wanted to give up half a mile ago. Your legs and lungs were begging you to stop, and each breath you took seared your throat. But you had to keep going. No one else stopped. even Armin, who was suffering as much as you, kept on trucking. You weren't going to give up anytime soon.   
  
Your mind flitted from one thing to another in an attempt to distract itself from your protesting body. You finally focused on the rhythmic beating of your feet on the ground; steady, one after another. You tried your hardest to tune out everything else, but despite your efforts you could still feel the burn across your body. 

Mile one down, four to go.   
  
Jean and Reiner would sparsely start up small talk here and there, talking about the weather and their predictions for what was going to be served for dinner. It was obvious they were trying to keep the conversation light: they never brought up what happened after training. You debated with yourself whether the topic was always lingering at the back of everyone else's mind too, or if you were just that anxious. What was normal? What was a healthy amount of worry and what was anxiety? You went back to focusing on your footfalls.   
  
Two miles down.   
  
Your chest was seriously starting to hurt.  Jean and Reiner weren't talking much anymore, and it seemed like Armin was struggling along side you. You caught him peeking at you and Jean a few times along the way. The cool morning air somehow stung your throat and lungs with each gasp for breath. You weren't going to make it much farther, but that didn't mean you were going to give up. 

Two and a half miles in you seriously started slowing down and your head fogged with fatigue. You lagged behind a few feet behind your friends. Jean slowed to match your pace. Reiner looked over his shoulder as though contemplating whether to hang back with you or not.   
  
"I've got her," Jean said, out of breath. "You stay with Armin, he'll need you more." 

Reiner flashed a teasing smile before returning next to the coconut-headed blond. 

When they were a little bit farther away, Jean spoke lower to ensure only you could hear.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
You were afraid if you said anything the last of your energy would be spent on your words, so you just gave him a look you hoped would convey your exhaustion. Your eyes darted away the second they met his. You were so embarrassed to be as weak as you were and hated having Jean see you this way. It was pathetic. But you guessed he knew what he was getting into when he made the promise to Levi. 

"I'm sure you know Levi asked me to make sure you push yourself during training, and I can see you're doing that. Just don't kill yourself. You passing out will only attract attention, and that won't help anyone."   
  
Did you really look that bad? You certainly felt that bad.   
  
You felt the pressure of his hand against the small of your back, pushing you forward.   
  
"You can do it. You may not make the full five miles but it's more than you normally do, so you're getting better."  
  
You smiled to yourself through your gasps for air. This was a lot farther than you thought you could go, even if you couldn't do the whole run. His words reminded you to take pride in your victories, even if they were just small successes.   
  
You felt a little ambitious and picked up the pace just a little. How far  _could_ you make it?

  
  
A little over three miles in you were feeling dizzy and suddenly the world was spinning around you.  You barely felt the gravity when you misplaced your foot and you weren't right-side up anymore. Jean stopped and grabbed your arm, keeping you from crashing to the dirt.   
  
"That's it," he breathed. "You need a break."

Far too out of breath to speak, you pointed away from the trail to the surrounding forest. If you were caught just standing there, you would've both gotten in major trouble. His hand hadn't left your arm, and he used it to guide you behind thick bush.

He finally let you slide to the ground where your hungry lungs greedily sucked in breath after breath. He took a seat next to you and panted along with you.  
  
What now? Were you just going to sit here with him for a while? How long did you have before they started to notice you two were missing?    
  
You glanced up and caught him looking at you, and his eyes darted away immediately. You were suddenly embarrassed, and quickly averted your gaze back to the ground. Crushes really never did give you a break, did they?   
  
You both caught your breath in silence for a few endless moments.  
  
"You know," Jean started up with a voice crack, " you should be proud. I mean, you're definitely not up to standard, but I don't think I've ever actually seen you run a single step since you got here," he laughed awkwardly.   
  
You weren't sure what to say, and you let the atmosphere drop back to silence.   
  
Jean cleared his throat, and wormed his warm hand into yours. Your eyes shifted to his, and you both just stayed there for a moment, watching intently. Oddly enough, it wasn't wierd to you. Just...nice. Other than the sweat clinging to your skin, this was the most comfortable you've been in a while.  
  
You weren't sure how much time had passed before he broke the gaze. "We gotta go," he mumbled, suddenly pulling you up to stand with him. He  caught you off guard, and you tripped forward a step.   
  
Right into him. With one hand in his, and one on his chest, you found yourself looking back into his warm amber eyes. You found your arms wrapping around his neck and you hesitantly pressed your lips to his cheek. A nervous smile creeped to your lips as you returned to your original position.   
  
You could've sworn your heart stopped when he grabbed your face with both hands and kissed you hard on the lips. As you pulled away, you felt your head spinning, but couldn't take your eyes off his. It was almost magnetic, you realized, and it felt like the longer you looked at each other like that, the more the attraction between you two hormone-filled teens grew.  
  
It killed you but...there was more important things you needed to be dealing with right now. You tore your eyes from him and with a sly smile grabbed him by the hand and pulled him back onto the path.   
  
"H-hey!" he stammered, obviously startled.   
  
You let go of his hand and ran out a few steps, and turned around to face him.   
  
"I'll race ya," you said playfully, winking back at him.   
  
He smirked at your challenge.   
  
"You don't stand a cha- hey! Come on, that's not fair!"   
  
He chased after you as you bolted down the trail.  
  
The rest of the run continued just like that: adrenaline pumping and the smile never leaving your face as you dashed through the winding trails. Before you realized it, you were nearing the end of the remaining run. Under normal circumstances, you felt like you couldn't have finished up that remaining mile and a half. But with Jean...you felt stronger.    
  
But how long were you going to let this...thing...go on? The exhaustion hit you like a truck. You slowed to a halt. The run was over.   
  
Jean stopped after a bit in front of you, with a huge smile spread on his lips, which quickly shifted to concern when he saw your expression.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Just tired," you lied.  
  
You let out a sigh. Time to meet up with Levi for 3DMG practice.   
  
You dropped your voice to a whisper, in case someone somewhere was listening in. "I have to go get my 3DMG and meet up with Levi, I'm probably late as hell as it is. I'll catch up with you later." You practically ran off to leave no room for discussion. It felt like if you stayed around for another minute, you'd do something stupid. 

  
As if you hadn't already! Look at all the damage you caused...leading on two guys you weren't even sure you wanted. It was horrible...honestly! Look at you! You were so impulsive...so inconsiderate...so STUPID! Ugh...nothing could ever feel right for long with you, could it? Nothing that felt good could last and ended just as soon as it started. And to make it worse, it was your fault! You had to pick one of them or neither...but you couldn't manage because you were selfish. Once someone gave you that attention, after forcing yourself to fade into the background for so long, you couldn't let it go. Even if someone else came along. Did it even matter to you? Who did you love, if anyone? It all came down to who you would hurt...and you wished it could only be yourself. After all, you were the only one that deserved it. 

* * *

You mentally berated yourself all the way to get your 3DMG, and then to the south of camp, where you were supposed to meet up with Levi. Even though you internally killed yourself on the way and were on the brink of breaking down, you still had to practice and you couldn't blow him off. So you just took a deep breath that hurt your tight chest, and tried your best to suck it up.   
  
"You're late," you heard a familiar aggravated voice call from the forest. You looked up and in the trees, you saw your pissed superior looking down on you.   
  
Your throat was choking up from emotion, but you shot yourself skillfully up to the tree next to him and wordlessly sat on a nearby branch. You couldn't look at him, and you fought back tears as you thought about how you were going to break it to both of them that you couldn't do this anymore. You just wanted to pass your tests so you could go into the Survey Corps and get back to the background where you belonged. No more drama, no more heartache. Just normalcy.   
  
"Well?" He said impatiently, demanding an answer.   
  
You cleared you're throat and stood up. You leaned up against the trunk of the tree and crossed your arms. You unintentionally glared at him. "I'm ready. Let's get started." 

 


	14. "You're Filthy!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi evaluates Reader's 3DMG abilities in the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I hope you enjoy!

Levi's eyebrows raised with slight amusement at your determination.

"Alright brat, I want you to follow my every move. Don't fuck up; I don't want to be peeling your ass off a tree."

And without skipping a beat, he shot off into the thick forest.

 _Fuck._  
  
He didn't start off slow, or easy. You frantically tried to catch up with him, twisting around trees and branches, up, down, left, right...exactly as he did before you, but much more sloppy.  Every turn felt more radical than the last. He was unpredictable.

Thank the Walls you were decent at 3-D maneuvering, at least for a short time. You were quick to pick which angles to turn at, when to do it, and where your hooks should hit to get you to your destination. But what Levi was doing was much more complex than anything you had ever attempted in training, and much more dangerous.

He was testing you, and boy was it wearing you down. You couldn't focus on anything else but him. Everything else was just a blur, and your movements became automatic. It was incredibly mentally taxing. It almost made you forget about the physical toll.  _Almost._  
  
To maneuver in three dimensions requires constant stress on the muscles just to retain posture, let alone move.

And you were feeling it all. You knew at some point, you were going to slip and break. It wasn't a question of if, but a question of when. But he wasn't slowing down, so you couldn't either. 

After walls know how long, Levi did something you couldn't even comprehend before you tried to execute: somehow, his body shifted horizontally and squeezed through a narrow opening between two thick parallel branches.   
  
Before you knew it, your foot was lodged in those branches, and you were given a disorienting upside-down view of the forest and face full of leaves. You dizzily shook the leaves and hair from your face. Your eyes widened and your heart beat against your chest like a drum. You were incredibly high up.   
  
Levi was nowhere in sight. 

You started to sweat.    
  
Not only was he gone, but you had no idea where the hell you were. Everywhere you looked was just as unfamiliar as ever; you were so focused on Levi you hadn't even noticed how deep you had traveled into the forest or where you were actually going. On top of it all, you were hyper aware of how immensely high up you were. With your face being the closest thing to the ground, you were forced to acknowledge that fact. Icy fear prickled across your skin as you realized you were trapped.   
  
One of the motors that propelled the hooks was clearly busted. You felt the gas leaking from your tank sickly sliding down your back, soaking your clothing and slowly trickling down towards your neck.  The other hook was lodged in the branch, supporting the majority of your weight.

 How strong was the branch that was holding you? How long did you have until you ran out of gas? Then what? More importantly, what _now_? 

The only viable option you could think of would be to dislodge your foot from the branch, and climb the wire up to the branches, but that would put all of your weight onto the 3DMG... and there was no way of knowing if that would be the straw that broke the camel's back. But you couldn't see any other option. There wasn't any branches below you to drop on, not for a long while anyway.  
  
Your heart was racing as adrenaline coursed through your veins, overwhelming your body and pushing you into a panic. You had to do something, and you had to do it fast. After a couple minutes, your creeping anxiety made you make the only decision available.  
  
_Fuck it._ You took a leap of faith and gave plan A-Z a shot. You couldn't help but close your eyes when you painfully jerked your foot out and dropped right side up. You could feel the increased stress on the wire, but fortunately it held firm.   
  
You didn't stick around to see how long it would hold and scrambled up to the branch. You dislodged the hook from the wood and crawled and to the trunk  and gripped onto it for dear life. Your heart pounded in a confusing mix of fear and relief. You held the tree with your right cheek pressed against the rough bark.

You noticed something you couldn't have before: Levi leaning against an adjacent tree trunk in the direction you had been coming from, which was right in the middle of your blind spot from where you were hanging. Your eyes stung with tears of relief. Levi had been watching you struggle this whole time, but it was obvious from his position he didn't want you to know.   
  
When he caught your eyes on him, he shot up to your level.  
  
You expected him to make a snide comment about your crash, but all you got was a crinkled nose.  
  
"You're filthy." 


	15. Hit the Showers

You stared at him blankly for a moment, still clutching the tree.

"...what?" you blinked.

"You're fucking filthy. You've got shit all in your hair and on your uniform."

He was right. Out of the corner of your eyes, you spotted hints of green and brown foliage, and you could still feel the slick gas all over your skin and clothes. You would have fished the twigs out of your hair, if you weren't Walls only know high up. Your grip on the tree tightened, the gravity of the height setting in all over again. Your 3DMG was your armor against your fear of heights. It gave you control. Since it was busted in the crash,  you were naked to that fear, and it must've been obvious on your paled face.  
  
"You're not serious, are you?" Levi crossed his arms, clearly annoyed.   
  
"I just don't have my 3DMG anymore, okay?" you blurted, a fierce blush of shame hitting your cheeks. You were doing so well today, why did it have to end like this?   
  
He looked at the busted machinery at your hips and raised an eyebrow.   
  
"How the fuck did you manage that?"   
  
Had he not been your superior and the only one who could help you back, you would've snapped at him. You kept your cool.

"...that sideways move you did...I didn't quite get it and I crashed..."

"Well no shit," he said, looking you over again. "Why'd you even try? I know they don't teach anything like it in training."

_Are you kidding me?_

"Should I not have?"

"That was your choice to make. No one can tell you if you're right or wrong until you've reached some sort of outcome from that decision. And I think it's easy to say now you shouldn't have. Do you regret your choice?"

Well...it was obvious your 3DMG was busted and you now looked and felt like hell...but...

"No."  
  
His gaze on you intensified with interest. "And why is that?"

"I would've regretted not trying and giving up, and never knowing the outcome."

"That mindset could get you killed."

"Or it could save me."  
  
"Tch, well either way, you're fucked without your 3DMG. But instead of making you walk to camp back like I should, I'll bring you another back. Stay here."  
  
"Before you could mumble a "Thank you, Sir," he was a blur in the distance. 

 

In your solitude, you realized you really were filthy. Oil, sticky sweat, orange leaves, and twigs coated your body and intertwined with your hair. You could increasingly feel the chilled Autumn air, stinging scrapes and dull bruises resulting from the crash as your adrenaline filtered out of your system. Coupled with the height and strain of your muscles to keep you glued to the tree trunk, you were incredibly uncomfortable and prayed to the Walls Levi would be back soon. For the time being, you closed your eyes and tried to focus your attention elsewhere.

* * *

 

You were daydreaming about a happy life in a world without titans or walls when something heavy landed on the branch and startled you back to reality. The sun was setting, and the cold was beginning to rattle you to your bones.   
  
Expecting to see Levi standing there, you instead saw a really shaky Jean, clearly not a fan of the height either.   
  
"Hey," he said, his eyes flicking up to you then back to the branch he was holding on to.  
  
"Hey. What're you doing here?" you blurted in confusion. 

"What, not happy to see me?" He flashed a toothy grin coated in fake confidence. 

When he didn't get a reaction from you, he sighed. 

"Levi had shit to do. Who would have thought the corporal would have anything to do other than you?...Take care of you, I mean."

He said it playfully, but you could sense a sting under his words. 

"Anyway, can you get you your 3DMG to unstrap it or do you need help?"

You slid one arm towards your hip, but you didn't like the instability one bit.

"Can you help me please?" you sighed.

With a determined face, he tightroped the branch and plopped down to straddle it once he got to your heels. With gentle hands, he undid the buckles at your hips until the 3DMG was free, and pushed it off to the side, letting it fall to the ground. What a relief! You'd been standing there so long you forgot how heavy the gear was. It hit several branches on the way down with a loud, metallic thud before finally hitting the leaf-covered forest bed. He scooted back a few inches and asked you to straddle the branch like he was, facing the tree. 

Keeping a firm grip on the tree, you did what he asked. You could hear clanking metal, presumably from him fishing the extra set of 3DMG off his back. His arms slid around your waist to blindly fasten the straps around your hips. A little too tight, but you weren't going to say anything. Even if you couldn't do much to help it, it was embarrassing to have him put the 3DMG on you, just as it would be if you needed someone to help you button your coat or tie your shoes. He moved on to your legs, where he needed you to lift one leg at a time to have better access to your thighs and securely snap the 3DMG in place. With the 3DMG on he stood up with the support of the trunk and reached a branch above him to steady himself. You clumsily pushed yourself in a standing position in a similar fashion. Overall, the whole maneuver was awkward.You mumbled a "Thank you." 

"You know I didn't want to say it earlier, but you look like hell [f/n]."

You cracked a smile. "Just what every girl wants to hear. Now which way back to camp?"  
  
"I thought you knew?"

Your eyes widened. 

"Just playing, couldn't help it. You know Levi didn't give me any fucking directions other than a point of his finger? Took me forever to find you," he said with a hint of salt.  "Anyways, it's this way," -he pointed east- "just follow me."

He took off at a much more manageable pace than Levi, and despite the growing darkness, you easily followed him. You dropped to the ground before you broke the treeline to avoid suspicion. The area he brought you to was close to the barracks, so you wouldn't have to go far before you could hide your gear and suspicious activity from the higher ups. It started to drizzle, adding to the cold, but assisting in clearing some of the sweat and gas off your skin. You were in dire need of a shower. 

Suddenly, it was pouring. 

Being the awkward gentleman he was, he took off his training corps jacket and held it over your heads, resting an elbow on your opposite shoulder. 

You huddled together and shuffled to the female barracks. You expressed your urgent need for hygiene, and he offered to walk you too the showers. After little consideration, you took him up on it. 

 The showers were small wooden stalls open to the outside with a small roof overhead.  By now, Jean's jacket was soaked through and doing nothing to protect either of you from the downpour.

You jumped in the shower , quickly stripping and throwing your discarded clothes in a bag. You tossed it to the corner farthest from the where the stream would be and turned on the water. You clutched your naked form and shivered until you felt the icy water heat up.

To your surprise, Jean was still there, back against the stall door. His arms were crossed and he was visibly shaking from the cold. The roof barely extended enough to cover him, but the rain would still slap him if the wind changed. 

You almost felt bad, but you told yourself you shouldn't because he chose to stay with you. Why, you're not quite sure. Maybe to sneak a peak at you when you weren't looking? Whatever. His back was planted to the door so it seemed unlikely. 

When you put down the soap and reached for your shampoo, you stopped dead in your tracks. Eight huge hairy legs skittered across your hand. The hair on the back of your neck stood up.

For a microsecond, the panic held you still. Then you busted out of the stall into the freezing rain, knocking Jean over in the process.

"What the fuck?" Jean sputtered, before his eyes were on  _you._

You quickly covered yourself the best you could, but refused to go back in. 

"There's a spider in there! Can you kill it?"

The rain pelted down on you. Thank the walls the weather was so bad, no one with any ounce of sense was out right now to see this scene.

"On one condition," he grinned. 

With the adrenaline more or less gone, the rain was freezing you to your bones.

_Anything._

"Let me come in there with you. It's freezing out here, you know."

_Yeah, yeah...whatever you say._

"...Fine."

 He booked it in there and out of the rain, and quickly crushed the spider under his boot. If you weren't so freaked out by those fuckers, you would've done the same.

His head peaked over the stall. 

"All done."

You darted back in under the warm water, still covering yourself. 

His eyes darted away, finally some embarassment hitting him.

_Did he think he would get this far?_

He was still wearing his clothes, not that it mattered; they were soaked from the rain anyway. He was a little backed up from the water, noticably unsure how close he should be to you. The stiffy in his white uniform pants would be visible from miles away.

You smiled a little to yourself.

_No, no he didn't._

You realized you had the upper hand, and decided to push him a little.

"You're wearing your clothes still? That's not fair," you said teasingly.

You dropped your hands to your hips and left yourself on full display.

His eyes snapped up to you before down to his shirt buttons. Quicker than you imagined possible, he was naked.

You pulled him a little closer so he was also mostly under the hot stream of water. 

You caught his eyes on your chest more than once, so you took action.

On your tippy-toes, you pressed your tits against his chest and rested your elbows on his broad shoulders. With a bit of shampoo squeezed in your palm, you attacked Jean's hair, lathering it up and forcing him to close his eyes.

"I could see you looking at me," you whispered.

You felt his hard cock pressed up against your soft inner thigh. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while! I hope you enjoy~

**Author's Note:**

> Drop a comment if you'd like to say anything  
> This is my first piece of creative writing so please don't be too harsh XD


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